Loud, Louder, Loudest
by The Swordslinger
Summary: Commission: What happens when Naruto is adopted at a young age by the Loud clan? What happens when he takes the role of older, protective brother to big points? What happens when his stepsisters develop feelings for him? I make this fic and go nuts with it.
1. Chapter 1

I OWN NOTHING

I've never done a story like this or thought of ever doing it, but the guy managed to convince me. As a note, I won't be doing things like this too often given I have a job.

HAREM GIRLS (as requested by the commissioner) – Lori, Leni, Luna and Luan. I am free to add more but won't take requests.

**X-X-X-X-X**

"Ok, nobody panic! I'll fix this and panic as I do so!"

For an average man about to have his third daughter, the driver of a large van was doing pretty well. As well as he could with his wife breathing deeply and evenly to control the pain in her womb and bloated belly. Behind him were two little girls, blondes like their mother, and curiously peeking to see their father fret as he tried to get to the nearest hospital in the middle of the road away from civilization. However, he was in the middle of a dark, rainy night with as much speed as he could muster in such conditions.

His wife tried to calm him down, "Hey, I'm thinking of naming her...Luna..." she winced at another contraction.

"Yes, good name, great name, I love it... Why am I not driving faster!?" her husband's mood almost gave her and their daughters whiplash as he cheered for the chosen name and then went into panic again as his foot put the pedal to the metal. "Trees, trees, trees! Isn't a hospital supposed to be where you need it!?" he bit the wheel in nervousness, his eldest child turning to her mother.

"Was he like dis wid me?" she asked with a small lisp while her sibling sucked her mother's old but trendy shades into her toothless mouth.

"Oh, no...I think he's taking it better." The woman gave a smile to reassure them.

"Ah, I know, I'll drive through the forest!" he exclaimed, and then his wife stopped him with a stern glare to put some reason into him.

Although another contraction didn't help her mood, "No, you won't! Calm down!"

"Oh, right, calm..." her husband breathed deeply, his curly brown hair almost moving with his panicked breaths, "I'm cool, chill, lax..."

"Yes, now please remain that way." The soon to be mother of three told him more peacefully.

"Sorry, honey, but-"

"Twee!" his eldest exclaimed, pointing forward.

"MOTHER OF-!" the man slammed the breaks, burning rubber as he stopped abruptly but instinctively reached to keep his wife from hitting anything with an arm. Thankfully, his daughters were safely tucked with their seatbelts and only got a mild-scare. Once everyone was aware that no danger or harm had come to them, the man watched what stood before him, a large tree blocking part of the road.

"I...I..." the pregnant woman started while her husband looked back to his children.

"Is everybody alright?" he asked after making sure his wife and future child were safe.

"I...think you should ask him too." The woman pointed out to a small kid out on the road.

"What the...fiddlesticks...?" her husband asked in disbelief, rubbing his eyes to make sure he was seeing correctly.

Running under the rain was a young boy with deep blue eyes, a wild mane of golden hair, and six birthmarks on his face, three on each cheek to give him a foxy look. Baring his teeth like a wild beast, the small boy's posture, and the fact he was wearing only a pair of old, worn out black shorts seemed taken out of a story book. Due to his cherubic face, he wasn't intimidating and all, and he seemed around his eldest daughter's age or perhaps a couple months younger. Everything was insane, and yet the man couldn't avoid the matter a hand: the child was alone.

"Dadda, where you go?" his eldest asked nervously.

"Daddy will be back, sweetie. He needs to talk to the boy." He said calmly, breathing deeply, "Honey, how are you holding up?"

"I'm fine, and you should call an ambulance." She warned him.

"Right, right..." the man gulped and approached the wild child, "Hey there, little buddy. How are you? Are your parents around?"

"Grr..." that was a no, but the father nodded to himself and tried a different approach.

"Alright, time to dust off the old Loud Charisma..." the man kneeled in front of the kid, pulling out a chocolate bar and biting into it, intriguing the boy, "Mmm-hmm! This is delish! Wanna try it?" he waved the candy, the curious child walking to him on all fours just like a fox would, sniffing it first...and then gobbled the entire thing, wrapper and all, "Whoa, you're hungry!" the father exclaimed.

"Sniff..." the kid tried to get his scent, eyeing him suspiciously, not once hiding his teeth. However, the chocolate and plastic over them and his gums took away the intimidation factor. First glances confirmed what he assumed: the kid had been out for a while. Dirt was slowly dripping down his flesh thanks to the rain, his nails were long and sharp, and his hair reached all the way to his shoulders.

"Easy, easy..." the man pulled another chocolate bar, "You like these? I was actually going to give them to my wife while she rested in the hospital, but I don't think she'll mind if you have them."

After luring the kid to the van and securing him in place with more chocolate, the drive was uneventful while the eldest girl watched him, "Who're you?" she asked timidly over her seat while the kid finished a bar, "Arr you...a fairy?" she eyed him innocently as he belched, causing her sister to giggle at the noise.

"We'll have to ask the police once we get to the hospital, get him checked, and see what happens." Her mom answered for the boy.

"And do so without any interruptions." The father said more seriously.

"Naruto."

"Wha?" all three family members capable of speech asked in surprise.

"Naruto..." the boy replied, "Naruto."

"Is that...your name, little one?" the mother asked as she turned around.

"Huh, sounds foreign." The father commented, "Well, that should narrow it down, right?"

Wrong.

"What do you mean orphanage!?" the father exclaimed as the cops finished talking to him, a look of horror behind his long, sharp nose. As he and his girls waited for the whole ordeal to begin, he tried to talk to at least a reasonable cop about the event. Sadly, he could see that the boy didn't take kindly to the officers judging by the black eye on one's face and the other one limping with a nurse aiding him for a check-up. For a moment, the kid had been calm until the men tried to pull him away from the family.

"It's one of two options, sir. Either his parents come get him soon, or he'll have to stay there? We're officers, not caretakers." The cop said, nursing a black eye.

"Besides, that little one's a beast. I used to wrestle a couple gators in my young days, but it's the first time I get hurt dealing with such ferocity." The other officer groaned. Looking at the kid crouched on his seat near the girls like a watchful guard dog would have worried the man had he not seen how calm the boy was around them, "He seems to get along with kids, though."

"Yes, but...leaving him alone like that?" the man rubbed his head, "I...I don't know, I feel responsible but understand your logic."

"Do you want to be responsible?" the policeman said, "I mean, you've got another girl on the way."

"It'd be fine, I would work hard for any kid in my house." The man said with a genuine smile, "And...I guess I'm getting my wish of getting a boy to raise."

"If we find the parents, it'll be a different story." He was being warned of future disappointment.

"True, but...I'm not comfortable just leaving him to his lonesome." Giving a deep sigh, the man looked at the room his wife was in, "Let me talk it out with my wife."

"Sure, but don't expect us to handle that tiny beast if he gets angry again." The limping cop whimpered at the idea.

"I hope she likes the idea..." he whispered to himself.

"Naru..." the eldest said, "I am Lori, and this Leni." Her sister kept on sucking the shades but turned to him curiously.

"Hmm..." the blond nodded his head firmly, observing the two. "Can I be family?"

"Yes, you can be mah big or li'l bwo." She replied with a smile.

"I be bestest bro." he claimed with a grin, getting Leni to giggle at his attitude.

(Years later)

"Looks like you're about to eat dirt." Said a grown Naruto.

In the middle of an alley in a small city, the blond grew. He was a teenager ready to fight and cracking his calloused knuckles, showing he fought often. Despite being 16 years old, he was 5'5" and didn't look intimidating at first glance. Naturally spiky golden hair was neatly trimmed, deep blue eyes set in a glare didn't distract from the odd birthmarks, and his body was concealed in baggy clothing. Simple denim pants, orange and white sneakers, and a simple dark orange hoodie with elbow-length sleeves and a black vest which he had unzipped.

Five guys surrounded him, all dressed in stylish clothes to look like cool delinquents, and they couldn't have picked a worse target than a fifth grader the blond knew, "Good thing about having a big older brother." Said a boy with short white, fluffy hair, an orange polo shirt, jeans, and white sneakers to you, the audience, "Having a ridiculously strong big brother." The boy told you and hurried away from the punks.

"Hey, get back here!" one of the punks raced after the kid, but was grabbed by the whiskered blond whose singlehanded steel vice grip on the punk's collar stopped him dead on his tracks. Pulling the guy closer, a brutal headbutt was delivered straight to the bridge of his nose, knocking the punk flat on his back after being let go.

"Lincoln, what did you get yourself into this time?" the blond asked.

"Would you believe me they wanted my new Master of Brawlers game?" the kid answered, holding up a box with a cartridge depicting street fighters using fire and energy blasts.

"Really? Is it MoB 14?" the blond asked, crouching slightly to see it.

"Hey, don't ignore us!" one of the punks growled, "We've been looking around everywhere for that game? So, give it over or we'll beat you up harder."

"Do you think I got it the easy way!? I broke the laws of Physics to get to this mall in less than five minutes to get this last copy!" the kid exclaimed.

"We're dedicated fans and we are seeing Mei use her steel fans, at least we'll appreciate everything." The leader replied with the infallible confidence of an asshat.

"Yeah, I'm stopping you right there...from ever talking again, that is." The older brother said.

"Fine, we're taking it by force." The leader said as he and his pals surrounded the tallest of the step-siblings.

"These guys think they can beat Naruto, my adopted big bro." Lincoln told you, "Here's a tradition: everyone who does that never wins. Ever."

"Hey Lincoln, you better let me play after you." The blond smirked as he approached the punks by running straight at them with a hotblooded grin.

"Second reason people shouldn't fight him: he has a lot of fun doing it." Lincoln said and enjoyed the show, cheering on the other boy.

Ducking under a punch, Naruto spread his legs to spin around, delivering a backhanded strike which could've been confused with a medieval flail considering the force of the strike. His attacker bounced from his fist into another opponent, who shoved the punk forward only for Naruto to kick him. Lifting his knee to his chest, he slammed the whole foot into the guy's chest, effectively knocking him down while the others did the smart thing and got out of the way. As for the blond, he was excitedly ready for battle in a simple fighting stance.

"Yahoo!" he cheered after side-stepping a kick from another punk, and then jumped up, spinning around to deliver his own kick, "Yeah-ha!" he exclaimed after his heel slammed into the guy's head, knocking him out. The others got nervous as it was down to three against one, and the whiskered boy was just having too much of a great time, "Hey!" he shouted at the nearest one, aiming a finger at him. His simple tactic had the guy step back, but Naruto quickly gave chase, "Let's rock!" he crowed with his first reared all the way back.

"W-wait!" the punk cried, but it was too late. He got a face full of haymaker, followed by some hard punches to the torso and jaw shortly. All of Naruto's punches had a lot of power, not only having the guy pedaling backwards, but also lifting him a few inches from the ground. And it was with horror that the blue-eyed brawler's adversary realized that he was stunned, too dizzy from the punches to lift his arms for defense.

Knowing that, Naruto smirked and crouched down, putting a lot of tension on his knees, "Sayonara!" he yelled as he jumped forward, slamming his knee into the guy's jaw and knocking his lights out and throwing him into the other thieves. After landing with a satisfied smile, Naruto cracked his knuckles, waiting for more... "Hey, is that it?" he asked, crouching in front of the downed thugs with a frown on his face, "Ugh, just another chore." He stood up, hands behind his head, "Hey Linc! Next time try and get me someone that can actually put up a fight."

"You know mom and dad would be worried sick." The younger boy countered, getting the taller one to groan at his fair point.

"Ugh, you're right, I know, but they also get me." the blond said, stepping over one of Lincoln's attackers as he walked to his younger stepbrother, "If you or the others are in trouble, I kick ass. And it's not my fault it's too fun." The blond smirked at the end, hands still on the back of his head.

"Despite how hotheaded and even simple-minded he can be at times, he's honest." Lincoln explained the audience, "Better that than one of those bullies you could get doubling as a sibling, right? Also, better to have one cool if a little odd stepbrother than having no one to back you up in a tough situation."

"Alright, let's pop this sucker in." Naruto grinned widely, "I'm choosing Yomi Yagami and his team this time."

Lincoln smirked, "Hah, good luck beating me when I got Ken Kusanagi, Terry Bradford and Ryo Yazaki on mine!"

Once at home, the two brothers were thankful to any listening angel that the other residents weren't there. Both plopped down on the couch, grabbed the controllers, and got comfortable. Naruto threw off his hoodie and vest, revealing a simple white muscle shirt and a lean but muscled build. Lincoln had brought snacks and soda and kicked off his shoes. After the intro was over and each selected their fighters, the fun began. And it was with their loud cries of excitement that other members of the family noticed they were back, most of them girls.

"Jump, block, punch, punch, punch already!" Naruto exclaimed as he twisted his controller from one side to the other as his character failed to pummel down Lincoln's.

"Prepare for the ubber special-" his view was obscured by the eldest of the siblings, "Pause, pause, pause!"

"Lori!?" Naruto asked in shock to a tall blonde girl with chin-length hair, brown shorts, and a blue top. She had a sour look on her face, certainly not one to take things lightly or joke around too much. However, she was quite stunning and a young woman who'd mature quite well. Slim body, well-cared skin, subtly applied makeup, and natural curves. Possessing a modest pair of breasts which she crossed her arms under, long legs, and a thin waist, she looked like a normal trendy girl. She had her phone in her hand as she held it to their faces.

"Again?" she asked with a video on display, frowning with a serious look on her face which made the younger boys look away in shame. "Naruto, you are so lucky only my friend saw and filmed this. I managed to convince them to not make this viral and get mom and dad to cough bits of lung for fighting."

"But he didn't start it, those guys wanted to take my game!" Lincoln defended the older boy.

"I know, but next time be careful, that's all I'm saying." She said and sighed deeply, "I couldn't literally thank you enough for keeping us safe, but don't get yourself in trouble."

"Good thing about my siblings, we got each other's back in our own way." Lincoln explained the audience, "In order to explain it, I think I'd be the heart when convincing someone not to get mad. Naruto's obviously the muscle. Lori here's kinda like the serious manager side of the brain, she tries to cover the bases when it comes to anyone who could start rumors. Although, she really goes far at times."

"Sorry, I promise I'll make it up to you." Naruto grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head, "Um, anything you'd like for this secret?"

"Well..." Lori smiled and sat down between the two, smiling at her fellow blond, "How does a trip to the mall sound? I could really use someone to give me a good opinion on new dresses."

"Ah, fine." Naruto resigned himself to his fate, dreading what would happen, "Just so long as I get to kick Lincoln's virtual butt here."

"Them's fighting words." Lincoln smiled, and the two brothers returned to their virtual fight. Lori for her part did her best to lean on Naruto without being too invasive, enjoying his natural warmth and how toned his body was. A smile grew on her face while she typed away on her phone with some friends. However, as their time went on, another started.

"It's mine!" shouted a tiny blonde girl of six with her short hair done in small pigtails. She wore overalls, a green t-shirt, and had a red baseball cap which her identical twin tried to take off her head. Said twin had a very contrasting appearance as well as longer straight hair, a pink dress typical of a beauty pageant competitor and a tiara. Both had a gap in their teeth from missing the two frontal ones after they fell naturally.

"Uh-oh, Lori, pummel Lincoln for me." Naruto said as he tossed her the controller and quickly grabbed the twins, easily pulling them apart and holding them at eye level, "Lana, Lola, what's gotten into you? What are you fighting for all of a sudden?" he asked with some concern but also exhaustion, showing the event was a recurring one.

"She started it! No way, you did! Stop repeating what I'm saying!" the two argued, trying to reach the other but failing.

Lincoln turned to the crowd again, "When I say he's the muscle, I mean it. Dad usually ends up in the emergency room if he tries this. Last time he got a dislocated shoulder...and the two were fighting for who would get a cookie." He remembered his balding, long-nosed father being taken into an ambulance, the family wincing as he was placed inside.

"Ugh, that's it, no cookies for a week...or until my arm's back in place." The man had said as Naruto arrived into the scene.

"What did I miss?" he asked.

"Pain and suffering, son, pain and lots of suffering." The man groaned.

Back to the present, Lincoln sighed, "After that, dad pretty much leaves any twin-wrestling to him. Can't blame him. Last time I intervened with those two I became a human pretzel." He groaned at the memory, a twisted version of himself was bent in ways the human body shouldn't have been designed to move in.

"I'll deal with them, you two have fun." Naruto told the others unenthusiastically.

Lori frowned, then had an idea, "Oh, you don't have to. I just beat Lincoln, he can take care of them and you can try and fail to beat me." she said with a smirk.

"Wait, what?" Lincoln asked, then turned to the screen to see his team down and out, "Oh, come on! I wasn't looking!"

"Sorry, I'm not letting Linc end in a full body cast again." Naruto said and quickly launched the twins up, grabbed his hoodie and vest, and caught the two in the latter. Swiftly, he zipped it with the twins together, keeping them too close to move, and held the two dazed sisters in a makeshift straitjacket, "Besides, I got this. I'll be back to fight whoever wins this next round."

"Fine, it'll be me, though." Lori added with a smile.

Briefly turning to the crowd, Lincoln spoke up, "Yeah, Lori likes to spend time with Naruto. Can't judge her, though. When she got bullied for having acne and wearing braces... Well, you can guess how the story goes. And yeah, it wasn't pretty when some guy got to make her cry...for the bully, that is. I think that was the first time Naruto broke three tables in one go by kicking someone."

Naruto went up the stairs with the twins struggling in his hold, "Let go! She started it!" they shouted in unison.

Problems arose immediately, "Oh, Naru, you've, like, totally got to check this out." Said another resident, this one more...outstanding than the others in certain...areas. She was really big...in personality. And had a bouncy...attitude. Also, she was stacked all the way to the ceiling. A simple light green dress tried and failed to contain her breasts which had enough fat to create their own gravitational pull, making someone's eyes always land on them and her curvy figure. Her rounded plump caboose, shoulder-length blonde hair, innocent ever-smiling face, and stylish shades on her forehead made her look like a model.

"Um, what am I supposed to see?" he blushed and tilted his head back to look at her face since he was still walking up and she was a couple steps over him.

"Aren't these shoes totally adorable!?" she squealed, showing off her long legs and new footwear, "I so need to find you a matching pair."

"I'm not sure I know fashion, Leni, but aren't heels a girl-only thing?" he retorted, confused and in trouble as he kept his gaze up.

"Oh, right... A shame for you, guys. These are really comfy." She sulked and turned, making him feel a bit bad but also relieved.

"Alright, you two, back to your- Where'd they go!?" it took him a second to realize the twins were on the loose and he quickly put his vest back on, "They better not break anything." He whispered with both anger and worry. Knowing how they were, he knew trouble would happen as soon as he turned. But that could be said for nearly every female resident.

"If you are looking for the twins, you've got to split! Ahahaha!" said a more colorful girl than the others. Budding breasts, freckles, braces, and a slim yet not very curvaceous body. Many would find her annoying or tiring with her puns, but one got used to them. The ponytail of brown hair was about the one part of herself she kept normal. She wore a white blouse with a fake flower, suspenders, a yellow checkered skirt, and a couple trinkets hidden in her person. Seeing her, Naruto tensed up, fearful of what prank it could be in her head.

"Luan, I'm in no mood for...where'd you get those pies?" he realized she was juggling banana pies while riding a unicycle.

"I don't know, I had an itch I had to peel! Hahahah! Get it?" he gave a deep sigh, "Aw, it wasn't that bad. Don't be so sour..." she paused, "Alright, that one needed more work, bananas aren't sour."

"Have you seen Lana and Lola? Please tell me before we have to redecorate the house." He asked as patiently as he could.

"Well-" she started until a blur of violence passed by her unicycle and made her lose balance, falling into Naruto's arms, "Found them!" she exclaimed with a light blush, aiming at the fighting girls rolling around at neck-break speeds, "Also, note to self: always let pies cool off."

"Wha-" he asked, then noticed a shadow over his head before a hot pie landed on his face. He let out a muffled yelp and took it off, wiping the cream with a hand, "Alright, I'm mad."

"This is getting bananas, hahaha!" Luan giggled, souring Naruto's mood more than needed.

"Argh, blasted third-rate samples!" a voice with a thick accent echoed off into a room accompanied by a baby's giggles. Naruto turned to see a kindergartener brunette with large round glasses, a green sweater and red pants, running with a small baby with only a tuft of blonde hair on top of her head.

"Lisa, did you play god again?" Naruto asked, cracking his knuckles.

"Not really, that's Charles after one of my new protein cookies." She said, and Naruto turned to her in shock, to which she replied with a deadpan look, "What? Mom and dad said not to experiment on you after the ordeal with reptilian skin. I got quite some fascinating samples, though." she spat a bit as she spoke due to her lisp but had a satisfied smile at the memory.

"Yeah, and Lori, Lola and Leni got fabulous boots after helping me shed that." He growled and then turned to a large, six-feet-tall white and black-spotted dog. It looked at Naruto, licked its lips, and lunged at him, "Forgive me for this, boy." The blond said and delivered a solid hook to the giant dog's jaw, knocking it out cold. Seconds later, its body shuddered and it returned to normal.

Lily looked in confusion as the dog slept while Lisa hummed in thought, "Hmm...maybe if I added more spinach-"

"Do that and I'm telling mom and dad." Naruto threatened, to which Lisa sighed.

"Fine, brute force: one. Science: zero." With that, she returned to her room.

"I swear that girl's an explosion away from becoming a Saturday morning cartoon villain." Naruto groaned.

"Well, she is pretty Looney, hehehe!" Luan replied and Naruto quirked an eyebrow. "Oh come on, it was a good one." She argued.

"I thought you didn't do references." He retorted defensively, both hands up.

"Hey, everyone's got a soft spot for classics." Luan smiled, "Speaking of, you've got to return to your show."

"Please do, they've taken the fight to my sanctuary." The two yelped as a girl a few years younger than Lincoln materialized out of thin air. Currently, she was hanging upside down from a vent. She had long dark hair with bangs covering her eyes completely despite her acting like a bat upside down, unhealthy-looking pale skin, and a black dress with black and white striped sleeves. If the word goth was in a dictionary, a picture of her would be beside it. Granted, that didn't stop anyone from thinking she was cute, despite her antics.

"You mean the vents?" Naruto asked after his blood pressure returned to normal, "Lucy, I'm not sure I'm small enough to fit there." Naruto told the girl whose hair defied gravity. Then, like an act of magic, Lucy's body merged with the shadows it came from and was sucked into the vent, disappearing before anyone could register it, "How...does she do that? I was looking right at her."

"Over here." Once again, Luan yelped, but Naruto had been more alert, so he turned to a panel on the wall which Lucy had opened.

"There aren't any bats inside, right?" he asked warily.

"I think some of my last April's Fool Day pranks may remain there untriggered." Luan told him, grabbing a camera, "Just be sure to let me know what you think of them if you do come across any. Vent out a little. Hehehehe." She chortled at her little pun while Naruto gulped.

"Lucy, if we get trigger one...get behind me."

"I shall honor your sacrifice with a proper burial." The goth said in a monotone.

Crawling through the vent, the two searched for the sound of fighting and soon made out the twins' voices, "Where are they? Have you seen them?"

"Negative, but if I had to guess, they're in-" a loud crash echoed, "Sigh. My room." Having said that, she kicked sideways, revealing a secret passageway into her bedroom and that of another girl. A small brunette a few years older than Lincoln with a short ponytail, red shorts, and a white T-shirt with short red sleeves and a red number 1 on the front. And she was wearing full hockey gear for defense.

"Hey bro, what happened this time!?" she asked and used a hockey stick to swat aside some of the stuff flying around.

"Lynn, toss me your covers and grab one end!" he replied, confusing her for a brief moment before the girl tossed him the requested item. Both pulled on their ends, creating a net which captured the twins. After a heavy sigh from their part, Naruto made sure to tie the girls together to keep them from further breaking anything. "You two owe me an answer."

"Nice catch." Lynn cheered after taking off her hockey mask, "So, what did I miss?"

"That's what I've wanted to figure out." Naruto replied before lifting the twins. "Will you two calm down and give me an answer?"

Once again, the two spoke in unison, "She stole my idea! No, you stole it! Shut it!" they glared at each other, unable to do more in their predicament.

"Enough, just explain what happened." Naruto demanded sternly, fed up with their attitude, "Do so now or I'll hang you like a piñata."

"Oh..." the two went surprisingly quiet.

"What is it? Answer me already." He said impatiently, a hand on his hip.

"Hey bro!" said someone with a British accent. Naruto turned to see a brunette with short hair, a purple top with a skull on the front, fishnet stockings, a checkered skirt, and purple boots. Everything about her screamed metal. Her bracelets, earrings and guitar hanging around her neck said so. And she also possessed a healthy figure, small half-apple sized breasts, a plump behind, and wide hips. Her freckles and raspy voice added a lot of charm to her without even trying.

And she pulled him out of the room, "Hey, wait, what're you doing!? Where are you taking me, Luna!?" he exclaimed just as mad as before.

"Just making sure you don't miss a thing, don't even sweat it." She said with a laidback smile.

"Okay, fine, this better be good if you are leaving the twins alone." He replied, resigning himself to his fate.

As one, all four remaining girls sighed, "So, did you make sure he was distracted enough?" Lynn asked.

Lana smirked, adjusting her cap, "Sure did, he won't suspect a thing. Leni actually helped us by being herself."

Lola adjusted her outfit, "Too bad I had to ruin my dress. He better appreciate this."

"He will, the fate told me he wanted this for a while." Lucy commented, pulling out a deck of Tarot cards.

"I sure hope Luna can keep him busy until the party's ready." Lynn said.

**X-X-X-X-X**

And that's my rap!

Consider this mostly experimental as the commissioner told me to go nuts. I've never done anything like this, and – again – I don't plan on taking commissions like my life depends on it. I'm happy writing for fun, I did need the cash, but I don't want to lose myself to greed. Everything I have done is to relax with fun stories, to see what I can create when writing, and I want to keep it that way.

Honestly, I'm flabbergasted that someone liked my writing so much to pay me for this.

Swordslinger out!


	2. Chapter 2

I OWN NOTHING

Again, this was commissioned by an anonymous fan of mine, but I don't think I'll make a business out of this. I prefer writing more for fun than for money, so I'll try to have fun with this.

**X-X-X-X-X**

"Luna, what am I doing?" Naruto had to ask that, unaware of what his stepsiblings had been doing.

"Gotta get myself a proper bouncer for a gig, bro. Friday night's gonna be alright for fighting." The British accented rocker girl told him with a smirk, admiring her handiwork. Naruto was forced to wear a black t-shirt and a stylized orange bandana. As for the rest of his clothes, they were the same, he even had the vest on. However, he was also forced to put on shades and an earpiece.

"Friday? Today's Thursday." He shot back with narrowed eyes, "Also, tomorrow's-"

"Tomorrow will be great and I can't sing without you to back me up. Would you leave me under pressure?" she smiled innocently, causing his right eye to twitch. He knew that she was tricking him but couldn't do much when she applied the puppy eyes directly into his heart. Part of him wanted to call her out on the crap he had been going through, but his kind side gave in.

However, he wasn't that oblivious, "Aren't you the confident rocker? Why is this so important?"

"Just gotta have that extra boost to the morale, bro. Better that in case some tough costumer wants to boo. You'd help me stay alive." She grinned at the end, jamming on her acoustic guitar.

"Fine, but I'm not wearing this." He said and changed into his usual clothing, unknowingly giving his back to Lincoln, Leni and Lynn passing by quickly with boxes. Luna winked at them and kept strumming, doing so with her gaze fixed on Naruto's toned body longer than she felt comfortable. Warmth overwhelmed her cheeks. Fighting on the streets kept him very fit.

Lincoln faced the audience, "Yeah, I hate tricking him, but Lori gave me the signal too late. I actually forgot all about tomorrow's party since I was excited to get Master of Brawlers." He hid on a corner and studied his surroundings. Leni waited for him, her ample bust cushioning the load in her arms while Lynn held more boxes than the other two.

"Oh, so, Lincoln, why are we exercising? Did I gain like a couple more pounds?" the busty blonde asked worriedly.

"Not at all, we're...um, getting Lori some of her old clothes. She wants to see which ones she wants to dispose of and which to reuse." the albino told her, and quickly faced you, audience, "I hate to lie to her, but Leni could sabotage this. She always feels guilty when she has to keep a secret from Naruto."

Leni frowned, worry growing on her face, "Oh geez, then she'll probably want me to do her dishes. Last time, I didn't let the clay dry off properly."

Lincoln deadpanned at you, "Do you see what I mean? Now I feel bad, but it's for the greater good."

"Hey Naruto, at least keep the shades if you're leaving!" Luna's shout alerted the three siblings.

"Oh crud!" Lincoln cursed as his older stepbrother was about to walk into the hallway.

"Over here, quick." Lori waved frantically at the two, but Naruto was already stepping foot in the hallway.

"Argh, plan B!" Lincoln exclaimed, pulling out a walkie-talkie, "Deadly Whisper, this is Delivery Pidgeon. Code 27."

"Roger." Lucy said from her post in the vents, popping out of one in front of Naruto, "Hey."

"HEY!" Naruto exclaimed, a hand patting his chest rapidly after the shock, "What...what is it, Lucy?" he breathed out, putting his focus on her while his other siblings hurried into Lori's room. And then, he winced, a piece of paper was in the goth's hands and he had a guess of what her request would be. "Um, Lucy, did you not find Lincoln?"

"Nope, I needed a fresher opinion." She said in her monotone, "Please, let me hear from someone whose point of view is more used to battle. Allow me to find what power my words need to reach into the soul of a warrior who fights with the mythical prowess of...wait, that's a nice line to use." She stopped herself and scribbled into her paper.

Ruffling his hair, the blond asked, "Are you sure? Last time I...kinda zoned out." He felt bad for that, knowing how much Lucy enjoyed her poems. As much as she did.

"Yes, you are a wall to break, an impenetrable fortress which heart warms the souls around you yet is protected with sturdy, cold iron... Hmm... may use that for another poem."

Seeing as she was distracted writing more, Naruto turned around, "Okaaaay, I'll...go to the living room and keep playing."

"Typical poet: absorbed into their writings and woes." Lisa complained as she and Luan observed the exchange.

The comedian pulled her own walkie-talkie. "Plan C. Code 53. C you on the flipside, heheheh...get it?"

"Ninja stealth kick!" Lynn exclaimed after exiting the room she had been on, aiming her foot on Naruto's head. And she was quickly grabbed by the ankle, Naruto spinning her around and then tossing her on a wall with a smirk. She returned the expression as she rolled, placed both feet on the wall, and leapt back at him for another strike, "Lucha libre body slam!"

"If you want a rematch, wait until I am done with Lincoln!" Naruto said as he grabbed her by the lapels of her t-shirt, spun around, and tossed her to her room, letting her bounce on her bed.

"Pfft, as if he could beat me when I'm in the zone." Lincoln smiled at the camera after leaping down the steps to his spot at the couch. Then, he turned to Naruto as he arrived, "Hey bro, had fun? Lori left after she got a call from her friends." Lincoln explained as Naruto sat down and grabbed his controller, smirking as he prepared himself for another round.

"Good, that means I can get to knock you down your high horse." The two continued playing, Lincoln laughing and cheering while Naruto stuck out his tongue trying to keep up with him.

"In your dreams." The younger boy cheered, speaking to the reader, "Yeah, life is a little crazy in the Loud house, but when you got someone who cares despite the good or the bad and his main priority is keeping you safe, you can't complain much. Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta mop the virtual floor with him."

X-X-X-X-X

"Lola, move your butt!"

"Don't tell me what to do!"

"Ugh, it's too early for this." Naruto grumbled as he awoke in his room. "At least let me warm up."

Said room was the attic. He was surrounded by boxes, junk, and little to no light. The attic had a simple bed for one person, a closet, and a sandbag. Given the fact he was too tall to fit in the broom closet, he moved out and left it to Lincoln. Of course, the two saw a lot of benefit from having their own rooms, but Naruto knew sooner or later he'd have to share the attic once Lincoln couldn't fit in his current room.

Unaware of what his stepsiblings had planned for him that day, he tried to ignore the arguing twins and decided to get ready. He'd only act in case the two started to break things, which would be signaled with loud crashing noises. Every Loud clan member was running down the stairs to get bathed, fed, and ready for classes. Naruto calmly waited for the madness at the bathroom to end by working out in the attic.

"Enough, you two, we got to move a few things." Lincoln whispered to the twins, both nodding before quieting down. "Alright, now to get his attention."

"Yahoo!" Naruto cried as he jumped, spun midair, and kicked the old, worn sandbag chained by both ends to the floor and ceiling, "Yah!"

Lincoln knocked on the ceiling with a broom, "Naruto, do you want eggs with bacon?" he asked while motioning to his sisters how to move around.

"Save me some!" Naruto shouted as he delivered a furious series of punches on his target.

Lincoln nodded, "Get down fast, Lynn's almost done showering and she's the last one!" he warned him and smiled at the camera, "In a family this big, you have to look out for others, as in both helping them as well as helping yourself. Luckily, despite our fights, we usually get along better than most. Also, he's the only one who can tank a bull stampede, of course I want to be on his good side."

Climbing down the stairs, a sweaty Naruto walked out in a black tank-top with green slacks to the bathroom, waiting for Lynn, "You done?" he asked after knocking.

"Just a sec." she replied before the door was kicked wide open and Naruto caught her by the ankles with a smirk, "Oh come OOOOON!" she screamed as he spun her around like a flail.

"You need to do better than catch me out of breath!" he retorted and launched her into her room, directly on her bed before he quickly slipped into the bathroom, "Finally, peace and quiet." He sighed and went through his morning rituals. As he started showering, Lynn was quick to run out of her and Lucy's room and knock on Lori and Leni's door.

"Psst, now's the time to move them." She whispered, and the door opened, Leni and Lori helping her carry some boxes downstairs.

"Time for a wake-up call, hehehehe, get it?" Luan chortled as she set herself in front of the bathroom with a ventriloquist dummy in one hand, a blue-suited puppet with fake curly orange hair and a flat top hat. It was as silly-looking as most, but it turned to narrow its wooden eyes at her, confusing and unnerving the brace-toothed girl a bit.

Leni for her part was...Leni, "Oh, carrying boxes does help my quads and glutes a lot, we should totes get Naruto to join us for this exercise, Lynn."

"Oh, you know how she is!" Lori exclaimed, panicking for a moment, "It's not like he's ever wanted to do anything but his own thing."

Lynn grinned awkwardly, "Y-yeah, besides, it's best to see how he counters my martial arts with his own stuff, like making him an ultimate street fighter."

"Oh, but wasn't he uninterested in arts? How does that help him fight?" Leni, bless her good heart, had a lot of luck for having Naruto keep her safe from anyone who'd try to use her cluelessness for an easy date. Lori, Luna and their father had been more than grateful Naruto was in the same classroom as her and even willing to go shopping with her. Most of Leni's pretenders ended up missing teeth.

"It's martial arts." Lori corrected her, further confusing her.

"Wait, he's getting married?" she asked in shock, horror all over her face, "But I'm not ready to lose Naru to some girl? He's the bestest bro, like he promised."

"He's not with any girl, chill." Luna told her as she passed by, "Last I recall, he's still unable to find a lady to smooch."

"Oh, that's a relief." Leni sighed deeply. "It'd be so lonely without Naru here."

"Oh Coconuts." They heard Luan exclaim in disappointment, a signal to hurry up.

"Faster." Lori instructed her sisters and they soon disappeared from view while Naruto jumped down half the stairs and ran to the kitchen.

"Hey dad, where are the others?" the blond teen asked upon finding the dining room emptier than usual.

"Hurrying up, as should you!" the balding man exclaimed with some sweat building on his brow.

"You okay? Seen a ghost lately?" the boy asked, and the man gulped.

"N-no! I am fine, just, uh, wondering what to do for you today!" he grinned widely, which Naruto thought suspicious, but the man was as eccentric as his biological children.

"Some toast to go with the breakfast." The blond smirked as he held both palms open.

"Coming right up!" the man said and started to cook.

At the table, everyone seemed somewhat tense, "Hey Lincoln, any reason dad's so weird?" Naruto asked him.

"You know how he is, maybe he saw a scary movie again." The boy had a few plans just in case.

"Did you see the others, then?" the whiskered teen asked, grabbing a plate and serving himself from a tray in the middle.

"Lori and Leni are trying a new exercise with Lynn, they don't want to get too fat eating these." Lincoln was smart and convincing enough to fool his stepbrother.

"I see..." the blond said.

X-X-X-X-X

Once he arrived at school, he went to classes as normal. Everything went by fast until he was found by Mrs. Vaporciyan, one of the many people who didn't like Naruto's fighting. She had gray hair in a bun, a yellow vest above a light-yellow long sleeve shirt, and a purple skirt with diagonal lines, along with gray heels. She also had glasses and pearl earrings.

"Loud, if you'd excuse me." she said in a grandmotherly tone.

He looked around, trying to see if someone else was in the hall, but he was the only one beside her, "Uh-oh, I just got out of Chemistry without zoning out, what could I be in trouble for?"

Naruto tried to think of which of his many street brawls would have him called. He really hoped it wasn't the one where he dented a car by using a punk's head as a battering ram. Of course, some of the staff understood why he did it and even tolerated it so long as it was self-defense, but everyone would have preferred the blond didn't fight almost every day.

"Loud, come with me for a moment." she spoke politely but seriously.

"I didn't do anything too rough, did I?" the blond asked cautiously.

"It's for a matter much less destructive than your usual fighting delinquents and bullies, which I still-"

"-disapprove of, I understand." The blond sighed, as did the teacher.

"At least you don't look for fights, so help me help yourself by doing this." The music teacher tried to be fair, "It should compensate the bad reputation your fighting brings you. Do not say I am not a person without faith in my students." Naruto was given a small smile, and there was genuine care in her voice.

"How can I refuse that?" the blond retorted with half a smile.

After a simple conversation, Naruto was found by one of his sisters, "Hey bro, what's up?" Luna asked him when finding Naruto leaning on the wall next to the door to the principal's office.

"Principal wants me to show some new kid around and had Mrs. Vaporciyan come get me." Naruto groaned as he ruffled his hair, "I have enough with you eleven, but no one would take no for an answer."

"Well, do you know this new kid or is there anything special for that? Maybe it's all for you to keep them safe from bullies." the rocker asked in confusion, her stepsibling shrugging in response.

"No idea, but I just want to get this over with, finding ways to go home early, too." He retorted, worrying her.

"Oh crud, that's right, everything's not over. Need a little less conversation and more action for the party." she told herself, and before Naruto could ask, the door opened.

"I hope you enjoy your stay, young lady." Mrs. Vaporciyan said and turned to Naruto, "Loud, your classmates and siblings consider you capable for this. Please, introduce yourself."

Whatever was said afterwards entered in Naruto's ear and went out of the other. The new student was a womanly curved Latin American teenage girl with large eyelashes and long black hair styled into a ponytail. She had golden circular earrings, magenta lipstick, a light green dress with a white collar, orange bracelets on each wrist, pink socks, and brown boots. She also had a very voluptuous body. Luna looked down, her small bust came off as a pair of cherries in comparison to Carlota's melons which were bigger than Leni's. Lori's rounded rear was a pair of coconuts to the Latina's pumpkin.

"Hey, so, are you my guide? Also, are all small city boys as cute as you?" she asked with a smile, a finger to her chin as she stared at him with a coquettish tone.

"Yes on the first question, I'm Naruto Loud, and I don't know for the second." The blond said and extended a hand, which the girl shook enthusiastically, "Um...you are?"

"Carlota Casagrande." She said, her voice as cheerful as Leni's but there was far more awareness, "My family's come from the big city to start a store here in order to get some peace and quiet and see my cousins and aunt. Anyway, with that last name and accent...you're not really Japanese, right?" she was genuinely curious, the innocent smile said as such.

"I wouldn't know, I'm adopted." He retorted, the girl gasping with both hands to her mouth.

"Oh..." she obviously felt bad. "Didn't know, sorry."

"It's fine, it's not like I care." He retorted, trying not to ruin things, "Um...want me to show you around?"

"Please do, especially if there's a good mall nearby." She beamed, happy that the boy wasn't mad before hugging his arm into an ample chest second only to Leni's.

"S-sure!" he said and followed closely, trying to ignore how firm and soft the malleable flesh under her dress was.

"Good, thank you for your efforts." Mrs. Vaporciyan said before leaving.

"Thanks for nothing." The blond growled once the man walked into his office.

Luna frowned, "Well, that took care of itself, but I feel like she'll give him a bad reputation." she bit her lip, then sighed, "Wait, what I'm getting riled up for?"

X-X-X-X-X

"Welcome to the cafeteria, other than the gym, this is the only place without a number where people gather." Naruto told Carlota calmly, both hands in his jeans pockets, "Also, it's a traditional mess hall for every if not all kinds of groups. You got the wannabes, the sports enthusiasts, those who want their peace and quiet, and the odd ones."

"Hum, so, what place is best to sit at?" she asked, having already let go of his arm but keeping herself close to him.

"How would I know?" he ruffled his hair out of habit, "All I can tell is to find a place you're comfortable with and make as small talk as needed. Works for me."

"You sound so lonely and sad, just how old are you?" she asked with a hand on her hip.

"Officially, your age if I had to guess." He answered, "Today's-"

"Hey Naru, I saved you a spot!" Leni shouted, enthusiastically waving her arm.

"Alright, I'm coming." He told her, "Hey, you wanna join us?" he asked Carlota.

"Do I!" she exclaimed and went next to Leni, "Your outfit's sooo perfect! Where'd you get those sandals!?"

"Ooh! I made them myself, glad you like them!" Leni smiled as Naruto sat down, "I love your makeup, it's like so fitting with your everything."

"A girl has to try her hardest to mix all colors well." Carlota replied, adjusting her ponytail.

"Indeed, I always try to make sure all my outfits fit my shades. Old but good ones. I think it's called retro, like so old it's still fabulous." The girls continued talking and Naruto ignored them.

"So much for having trouble making friends." He commented and pulled out his own lunch from a paper bag, a foot-long sandwich with enough spices to burn one's lungs, Lynn's special.

"Oh my gosh, I got the best idea ever, Carlota!" Leni grinned widely, "I was told by my sister Lori to get Naruto to the mall since she convinced him yesterday. You should totes come with us. He's the best bodyguard, chooser of cute outfits, and perfect bag carrier."

"Hey, don't use me as a mule!" Naruto snapped at his busty stepsister, who was as oblivious as usual.

Leni felt hurt, "So does that mean I can't get piggyback rides from you? But I loved doing that when we were kids. What happened?"

"No, just...argh, forget it, I'll carry your bags..." he groaned, rubbing his face with one hand.

"I don't know if she's really lucky of her or if that was planned." Carlota commented with a hand on her chin.

"Believe me, it's the first one." He grumbled and decided to eat in peace.

"Well, I'm looking forward to help with a new pair of boots, I got the perfect pants but not the right stuff for my feet." She smiled at Leni, and Naruto pictured himself like Atlas, the mythical man who carried the heavens on his shoulders as a punishment.

"There you...who are you?" Lori asked in confusion, noticing how close Carlota sat to Naruto.

"Right, introductions." The blond replied tiredly after eating half his sub, "Carlota, these are my stepsisters Leni and Lori. Girls, this is a new student the principal wanted me to show around and keep away from bullies." He waited for a response, but Lori acted like a fish out of water, gaping for a moment while analyzing with wide eyes the girl sitting next to Naruto.

"And she'll join us at the mall today! Isn't that great!?" Leni added, freezing Lori for a moment.

"I gotta see where you girls go, I'm so loving your outfits." The voluptuous Latina said with a smile.

"Oh, yeah, I...I'm looking forward to it." The eldest sighed inwardly, '_What am I doing? He'll want to spend more time with us, not some random stranger. Calm down..._'

Luan had then approached them, the comedian having hotdogs with some catsup, "Hey guys, glad I could ketchup, hehehe."

Her siblings groaned, Naruto turning to lean on the table, "Do you want to join us at the mall or something?"

"Yeah, I could use a ride to the emporium for new material and check the merchandise." The brace-toothed girl said, then noted the new girl staring at her. "Do I have something on my face or am I that a-meal-ing? Heheheh..." her joke got a boo from Naruto, "Oh come on, it wasn't easy coming up with a good one."

"So, are you all family?" Carlota asked in confusion.

"Meet my stepsisters, you met Luna, though I didn't introduce you two." Naruto replied calmly.

"Wow, you're a big family like mine." Carlota beamed, "I so get it, I live with my parents as well as my grandmother and grandfather, and three little brothers. We just joined my aunt and her two children at their place so my dad can work here. Also, my grandfather is now managing a store he got for real cheap. You wouldn't believe how busy we were moving here."

"Yeah, I think we got you beat." Naruto commented, "Try ten sisters and a little brother, plus my two parents."

Carlota blinked, baffled, "You're...full of surprises."

"Like you wouldn't believe." Leni said, "One time, I saw him pull a penny from his ear when we were kids."

After that and some minor conversation, the group tried to be at ease once classes continued.

X-X-X-X-X

Shopping went as expected with three fashion lovers and their chore boy, "Bury me in a desert, lock me in a sinking ship, throw me in a pit of ravenous hyenas, but stop." Naruto felt ready to take down a wall via a non-stop series of headbutts, anything which wouldn't be as dull as waiting for the girls to go through even more shoes. Leni and Carlota were birds of a feather.

"You gotta try this, it's, like, made for your feet!" the blonde said, handing the older girl a pair of boots.

"Mmm-hmm, just what the doc ordered. And you'd look great in these." Carlota handed Leni a pair of stylish white sandals. The ditzy and Latina fashion lovers were checking everything in the store, trying it out, and overall thinning Naruto's patience. Lori was somewhat merciful, not much since she still wanted to use the favor he owed her for not divulging his latest fight.

"What do you think of this blouse, Naruto? Too revealing?" she asked with a stylish piece with elbow-length sleeves and a modest amount of cleavage shown. Naruto forced himself to look at everything and not at the main attraction. And she was wearing an orange blouse, his favorite color.

"Um, not bad..." he struggled to say, causing a small smirk to spread on Lori's face as she turned around.

'_I know him well._' The eldest girl cheered in her head.

"Hey Naru, what about this swimsuit?" Leni stepped out in a form-fitting green one-piece with frills on the borders and a hole to expose her bellybutton. It really struggled against her chest, the fabric straining due to the volume squeezing some flesh out of the cleavage. Groaning, he ruffled his hair and cleared his thoughts to give an answer.

"You know you look good, what do you even need me for?" he asked sincerely.

"Oh, I just like your opinion, it's super positive for me." she beamed, dropping his guard without trying.

Lori frowned, but forced herself to remain calm and collected, "I thought we agreed no swimsuits after last time."

"Last time?" Carlota asked curiously from her dresser.

"Some guy tried to sneak a peek, but you shouldn't worry." Lori replied casually, "After all, we have the best bodyguard."

"That guy should learn where not to stick his nose if he wants to properly use his legs again." Naruto growled at the memory of Leni in a beachside store and a perverted staff member being too close to the curtain of the dressing room. Five minutes afterwards, the peeping tom had to be peeled off a wall after the blond brawler was done with him.

"You mean I got nothing to worry about with you around, then." Carlota summed up with a big grin, "Great, because I've wanted to try something like this in peace." She stepped out in a black two-piece swimsuit which left nothing to the imagination. The top was a single strap which showed her breasts' outline nicely and the bottom could've almost been a thong had the rear part disappeared in her thick cheeks.

Gulping, Naruto looked away with a blush, "Don't treat me like some guard dog." He groaned out, ruffling his hair harder than usual.

Lori gaped and Leni felt odd, the busty blonde had an odd empty feeling in her chest, but Carlota didn't mean any ill will, "You make a girl feel comfortable with your sisters, you're like a knight in shining armor." At that image the two blonde girls felt conflicted. Carlota wasn't mindlessly flirting or throwing herself onto Naruto, but her body, attitude and the ease with which she talked to him was enviable.

Once they were done shopping, Leni said out loud, "Well, it was fun, but something was missing." She commented as Naruto put all their backs in the large family van.

"Don't tell me it's another trip." The blond groaned, "I already paid Lori that favor, so give me a break."

"Worry not, you're literally free." His older stepsister said, "Anyway, Carlota, it was nice to meet you."

The trendy new student smiled brightly, "Pleasure was all mine, I wish we do this again. A girls' afternoon out shopping is mandatory with friends like you."

"Are you sure you don't want a ride?" Lori asked, trying to be polite.

Waving dismissively, the Latina walked to her, "No worries, my cousin works here. He can give me one. Thanks for the fun times." She hugged Lori and then Leni, "I hope to see more of you, Naruto."

"No hugs, please." He said with a heated blush.

Giggling, the girl waved, "Sorry, it's a force of habit. You wouldn't imagine how hard it is not to kiss someone's cheek as a girl here."

"Really?" Leni asked in confusion.

Carlota nodded, "Yeah, my grandmother does that with us, says it's the proper way of greeting family and old friends in her home country. But since we're not there I have to settle with a hug."

"Good." Lori caught herself whispering, "I-I mean, good to know you're so friendly."

"Part of traditions and customs, really." Carlota giggled, "Anyway, take care."

"You too!" the Loud siblings replied, Naruto speaking, "She was...odd."

"But fun, like, I wouldn't mind spending more time with her..." Leni was sincere but felt off.

"Yeah, she does give great clothing tips, but...oh, right!" Lori remembered another reason to her plan, "Naruto, we should get back."

"What for?" he asked.

A calm drive later found Naruto walking into the house, darkness around him until he flipped the light switch.

"SURPRISE!" Yelled the rest of his family. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

"Heh, so, this is why you were all so weird?" he asked and examined the decorations with an arched brow, "It's certainly you." he struggled to say. Black streamers, brown balloons, large subs covered in chili peppers and hot sauce, and a cake with so much sugar his teeth would rot in seconds. Luna was jamming on her guitar hard, and Luan had set a small stage with Lincoln dressed as a clown, looking somewhat miserable.

"You guys made a party for me when it's Naruto's birthday!?" Leni exclaimed.

"No, it was for him." Said Lincoln the clown.

"But he likes orange, he prefers chocolate, and...I think he prefers pizza to those spicy subs." Leni listed with a hand.

"Um, well, it's the thought what counts." Naruto said awkwardly, "I'll, uh...have to ask if you got something else planned."

"Ah, shoot," Lincoln snapped his fingers, "well, there is one thing that kept us busy and stopped us from doing this properly."

"And let me tell you, it was fun putting her together." Lana said, rubbing her hands with a rag while covered in grease, same as her father.

"Here, son, you earned it." He handed Naruto a key, shocking him.

"Is this for...?" he asked in awe before running to the garage, where Lori was opening it along her mother to reveal a brand-new white moped, "SWEET!" Naruto ran to it and hugged it, hearts fluttering around him as he rubbed his cheek affectionately on its smooth front light.

Lincoln chuckled, "Dad told us you wanted one, but since buying a bike is not cheap, we found a catalogue for parts to make one. Lana built it in her spare time while we hid the parts from you in boxes. Trust us, keeping this one from you wasn't easy."

Naruto grinned as he examined what was near it, "And it's got a side-car. So, do any of you want a ride somewhere?"

"Ah, ah, ah, son, first you need to get a lisence." His father reminded him, then grinned when his stepson frowned, "But a little, supervised drive around the house wouldn't hurt."

"Alright!" Naruto jumped into the seat...accompanied by the sound of a whoopee cushion.

*PFFFFRRT!*

"LUAN!"

"Hahahaha! I see you're not running out of gas!" Luan chortled out.

"Anyway, faux flatulence aside, I am proud to announce I contacted your friends, Naruto." Lisa told him after adjusting her glasses.

Naruto blinked, "Friends? What friends? I barely hang around with anyone since they don't want to get into any fight I step in."

"Let's see... Russell, Derby, Johnny, Ernest, Ted, Edgar and Gary should come soon." The smart girl replied.

Luan, Luna, Leni and Lori all had the same reaction, "Oh dang it!" they exclaimed in shocked unison.

Naruto rubbed his face, "Lisa... I usually pummel those guys on a daily basis."

"So, more subs for me?" Lynn asked, to which Naruto sighed and cracked his knuckles.

"Give me five minutes..." he said and walked to the nearest bus station, "If they arrive, make it fifteen."

**X-X-X-X-X**

And that's my rap!

Trust me, many ideas I had for this were shot down as I went and it's still hard. However, I will be getting somewhat creative on some parts. Yes, I will follow some of the canon episodes, but I'll try not to follow it to the letter. I guess you could call me a liar since I used the scenery from the birthday episode, but you can see how I'll have to change some of that with Carlota's earlier addition.

And yes, Carlota will be part of the pairing, her family is moving into Royal Woods, and I'll go crazy with some plot points as well as add some madness. If any of you guessed by the names, I am putting some guys from a certain game here to give Naruto a reason to fight. A game that if you owned in the early 2000s made you the cool kid.

Swordslinger out!


	3. Chapter 3

I OWN NOTHING

To answer all doubts, the names from last chapter were from the game Bully.

**X-X-X-X-X**

"Mija, did you eat well!? Did you make good friends!? Why did you come so late!?"

Carlota chortled as her mother bombarded her with questions. "Relax, mama, I met a pretty cool guy."

Her dad, a man with well-groomed hair, square glasses, a green sweater vest, and a book always in hand, asked, "A boy so soon? Wow, I thought studies showed that finding a love interest took longer when teens move in to small cities." He said and dusted his white shirt's sleeves and brown pants. Moving boxes hadn't been easy moving into their new 2-story house which they shared with her aunt and cousins.

"No man can resist the goods of the family." Her mother said, she had indeed given her the figure a lot of guys thanked the deity of their choosing for. However, she had longer hair set free, a pink dress and orange earrings. Despite a few differences in their faces, one could tell they were family. "Was he at least cute?"

"Oh, you got no idea. He was guapisimo(gorgeous)!" she cheered.

"As a father, I think it's my duty to meet him, then." The spectacled man commented, adjusting his glasses.

"Don't worry, I'm not going out with a guy I barely know." Carlota replied, "Although it wouldn't be a bad deal. He seems like a proper gentleman. His sisters spoke of how he keeps them safe from creeps. I'd say he is very manly with how they spoke of him." Her father worried while her mother giggled at the idea of their child dating.

"Oh no, no dating until I make sure this man is for you." Said her grandmother, a short, plump woman with her hair done in a bun, a large round nose, a green dress and an apron, "Let me read the cards for you to see if this man is worthy of being your future husband." She shuffled Tarot cards with a distressed expression.

"What, she's dating already?" asked a small boy with a red hoodie, a round face, and a gap on his teeth, "After the ladies here have seen such a macho like me, how come she's no longer single but I am?"

"Now, now, don't jump to conclusions, everyone." Carlota tried to appease them, "Again, I've got to see if I'm interested. Also, shouldn't we help Abuelo at the store?"

Her grandmother took her hand, guiding her to a sofa, "Don't worry, Roberto is giving him a hand, your abuelo wants him to work in the family business in the new Bodega. Now pick a card." Carlota sighed at her family's antics, whereas Naruto wasn't having an easy time either. While she had to see what the stars had prepared for her, the blond was walking home a little breathless.

"Grr...freakin' greasers stuck in the 50s." he groaned as he got to his distressed family. At least it wasn't the full package. Every guy Lisa named had a group or could manipulate a group in one's case. To have faced one was something to be thankful of, even though he'd easily claim he could beat all of them and do everything to prove he wasn't a liar.

"Did you-" his father started until he nodded, "Did they-" he nodded again.

"Ok, enough questions." his mother said in exasperation, turning to her daughters, "Girls, explain."

"Like, those guys really have it out for Naru." Leni answered. "He punched one of them for stealing money from a little kid and they harassed him since then."

"Yeah, they are literally the worst." Lori added exhaustedly. "They got cliques and everything, all to make others miserable."

"Naruto's bad reputation attracted some of them, and even if they got expelled they go after him." Luna continued.

"No joking, even the school looks the other way when he fights them because they usually target anyone around them." Luan finished.

"Are you kidding me?" both Loud parents asked in unison.

"I wish they were..." Naruto replied, rubbing the back of his head, "Trust me, I try not to get into fights unless someone needs help."

His father rubbed his face in mental exhaustion, "Son, this is why I told you to avoid fights at all costs. Sure, I know you do it to protect others, but keep yourself safe."

"But dad-" his mother cut him off.

"No buts, Naruto. Please, avoid getting into any other fight from now on and call anyone to help. For your sake." She said sternly but there was no denying the love and concern.

"I'll try, no promises." He replied, "And before you argue, one time I saw one of their groups try to break Clyde's home because of his dads." Naruto didn't really care about the relationship the McBride family had. If someone was happy and didn't hurt themselves or anyone else, he didn't care. However, if anyone would harm another person for cheap satisfaction, he'd be there with a haymaker ready.

Lincoln remembered that fondly, which Naruto explained, "The McBride's had been harassed by one of their groups when those bullies wanted to unwind. Lincoln got there. Of course, he tried to tell the bullies to stop by threatening to call the cops, only to get covered in yolk and eggshells. Five minutes later, they left by force." He punched his palm to emphasize his point.

"...wait, was that why the McBride's sent you a fruit basket?" their father asked.

"I kinda wish they didn't..." Naruto answered as he rubbed the back of his head, "I used their mailbox as a bat to stop getting covered in eggs...and to break some noses." He whispered the last part to himself. The memory was fun to replay in his head at times, especially seeing the two men thank him and let him and Lincoln get cleaned up to cover for them.

"Why didn't they tell us?" his mother asked.

Lincoln stepped in, "Because Naruto's fighting is like the best anti-bully security around Royal Woods, mom. Sure, he gets into trouble, but if he didn't many people would be in worse trouble."

"Yeah!" his sisters added. Lori continuing, "If you don't allow him to fight, who could stand up to those psychos?"

"Listen, kids, violence breeds violence, that is a fact." Their father said sternly, "Which is why Naruto will have to keep the fighting to a minimum. Otherwise, we may as well send him to a military school." Everyone gasped in horror or shock in Naruto's case, "We've discussed this for a while and had decided not to do it, but you guys kept this hidden from us!"

Their mother nodded, "We thought Naruto had finally stopped getting into trouble, but you all lied to us."

"Naruto, if you get into another fight, we'll have to do something." That was the father's final word, a sad look on his face as he put a hand on his adopted son's shoulder, "Believe me, I don't want to do it. It's the last thing that crossed my mind, but I don't want you hurt... What if you bit more than you could chew?"

"I...I get it..." he let his arms hang limply.

His father wanted to say sorry, but looked at the others, he knew he had to be firm. Sadly, he was unaware of a pair of eyes observing everything like those of a poisonous snake, "What's this? The wild mutt's on a leash? Music to my ears." Whispered a sociopathic boy.

X-X-X-X-X

"Lynn and Rita really said so?" an elderly man asked Naruto as they sat in his room. Pop-pop – as he had been affectionately called – was Naruto's grandfather. He had Lincoln's hairdo and same hair color, a bushy gray mustache, and a big round nose. He was also a man who loved adventure and would kick for many years. He wore a white shirt, orange suspenders, jeans, and had an anchor tattooed on one arm.

"Yeah, and you know how those guys can be." Naruto told him.

"No kidding, glad we had you around when that Derby kid had his dad threaten to buy the place." Pop-pop grumbled, not fond of the memory.

"And, the sad thing is, I get them." The boy replied, ruffling his hair, "Both took me in, fed me, gave me a lot of things, and have done the best like they do for the others." The boy took a deep breath and stood up, an angry look on his face, "All I do is attract trouble, and it was good when people and even you covered for me, but I can't help it."

"Boy, you may not be my blood, but your heart and mine share something." The man said and lightly punched the kid's arm, "Love for a little roughing made boys into men when I was your age. Beating bullies was the best way to keep them from ruining someone's day, too. And while I see how the times have changed, fighting back shouldn't be frowned upon."

"I can't afford to make more mistakes, though." The blond told him, "Least of all if I want to keep seeing my siblings."

"And that's why old Pop-pop's here, kid." The man chortled, hooking a thumb to himself, "You thought I taught you the basics for nothing?" Naruto smiled slightly. Indeed, the old man had learned a couple things in his age. From riding bulls to doing crazy stunts, he was as lively if not livelier than in his youth. Also, he wasn't afraid of a good honest session of fisticuffs.

"I still prefer to do my own thing, no matter how sloppy it is." the old man chortled.

"Alright, slugger, you're good, but how about I teach you a few tricks which I learned to deal with close combat?" the man asked and stood up, hands up.

"You mean like wrestling?" the blond asked, an eyebrow arched.

"It's a good foundation, but let's see how you handle that." The elder grinned, "Come on, kiddo, get my blood pumping for a few extra minutes of life."

Grinning back, Naruto answered firmly, "You asked for it, Pop-pop."

Outside the asylum, Naruto and Pop-pop were ready for a fight, the old man just cracked a few joints before putting up his fists, "You won't see me backing down easy, kid. Let's see how good my hip is." Naruto let a smirk cross his face in excitement and amusement as he charged his grandfather. Pop-pop saw his punch coming and quickly rammed his shoulder on the boy's chest.

"Gah!" Naruto gasped as the man followed his tackle with a simple yank of the kid's vest, placing his hip besides Naruto's for a quick bump, and immediately judo-tossed him to the ground.

"How's that? Judo's nothing to be sneezed at! Learned that one from an old friend." Pop-pop chortled as Naruto got up, "Now try it!" he charged his grandson, who barely had a second to react after getting up. At the last second, he mimicked the older Loud's move, but added his own twist. Spinning around, he slammed his elbow on his gut. "Oof, nice one!" the man chuckled.

"Ora!" Naruto yelled and grabbed him by the suspenders, lifting the man and throwing him to the ground with brute force.

And Pop-pop was proud, "Not bad, kid!" he lifted a hand for Naruto to help him stand back up, "You really like using your brute force, huh? Well, it may not be refined, but if someone's coming at you, you'll have a good Naruto Only Way to counter that." He called the boy's way of fighting as he saw it, something only someone as absurdly strong as Naruto could do.

But the boy was concerned, "I didn't hurt you, I hope."

"Hahaha, it'll take more than a good tussle to get the reaper here." The grandfather snickered and patted the kid's shoulder, "Although, my hip will have to rest, that was one terrific throw."

"Thanks, and sorry, Pop-pop." Naruto smiled sheepishly at the elder.

"To be fair, you warned me and..." with a crack, the man sighed in relief, "Oooh, there's the spot! I think you put that back in its place."

"Glad to help...I guess." The blond replied awkwardly.

"What is it, Loud? Still can't keep up with the toddler?" asked an old lady in a scooter-bike with shades, curly gray hair, and a blue beige sweater and brown pants.

"Heh, he's young, but he could give you a run for your money, Scoots." The man told his friend.

"I'd rather that be the case, because some punks who look like they came from my times are running around calling for his blood." Scoots told them, shocking the two. Rather than ask, the men of the Loud family ran to see what was happening from where the rider granny came from. Indeed, a group of teens was looking around for Naruto. All of them had leather or denim jackets and greased up hair.

"Greasers?" Pop-pop asked.

"Tch, can't fight them without getting into trouble, even if they're looking for it." The boy growled.

"You call those greasers?" Scoots asked, then spat on the floor, "Hah! I faced kittens more terrifying than them in my racing days! Hop on, kid, let's make them eat dust!"

Grinning, the boy did as told and got on her scooter, "I owe you one, Scoots."

"Don't mention it, just do me a solid and get me any Rip Hardcore info you can from that tiny brother of yours." She talked of the survival show star Lincoln loved. "Now hold on tight!" she put the pedal to the metal and shot forward like a bat out of hell. Naruto yelped as they rocketed past the greasers who needed half a second to recognize him.

"He's running away!" one yelled, getting into his bicycle.

All of them pedaled after Scoots, who just let out a laugh, "Wheels like those can't keep up with my baby, you babies!" the granny laughed, and then yelped as an egg flew near her face, "Hey, what happened to a good honest race where the fastest wins!?" she snapped, shaking her fist as the greasers readied everything they could throw at them. From eggs to rocks and even firecrackers, they aimed at the two.

"Keep going, I'll keep them busy." Naruto said as the old rider turned on a corner, allowing him to pick up a manhole cover as a shield.

"Whoa, what do you eat for breakfast, lightning and thunder?" the woman asked but didn't slow down.

"Pain and struggling." He answered with a smirk and used his impromptu shield to swat aside a firecracker.

"I like your moxy, kid, now grit those teeth!" speeding up, she aimed her scooter to a park, smirking when she saw a slide.

"Wait, what're you-" Naruto had that second to ask, and then scream as the woman used the slide as a ramp to fly over a fence while the greasers could only stare in disbelief.

"SO LONG SUCKERS!" she exclaimed while Naruto held on for a rough but still harmless landing on an alley. Once she skidded to a half, Scoots smirked, "Ah, how I missed a good run! You've done this old lady the biggest favor, kid. Still, I want any goodies on my babe Rip Hardcore ASAP, got it?" she aimed a finger at him, like a gangster asking for their pay.

"Yeah...just so long as I get these guys off my back." He said and sprinted back home to get as much distance as possible between himself and the greasers.

X-X-X-X-X

Lincoln's walkie-talkie stopped him from starting his comic-reading rituals, "Clyde?"

"No, it's me! Greasers are after me!" Naruto exclaimed after climbing a fence.

"Are you for real? What did you or they do?" Lincoln was both surprised and worried.

"They just came after me like sharks after blood, you tell me." Naruto's exasperation made him quite irritable.

"Alright, we'll prepare the emergency entrance, when will you arrive?"

"Five minutes."

"Got it." Lincoln opened the door to his room and changed the frequency, "Girls, code 15!"

"On it!" they exclaimed before bursting out of their rooms. Meanwhile, Lynn Sr. and his wife were about to arrive home from shopping dinner. Rita was already turning on a corner, unaware that her adopted son had jumped over a neighbor's fence. She kept driving the family van – aptly baptized as Vanzilla – while her husband kept looking at some jars he bought with a frown.

"I know we were strict, but we had to be." the father of twelve said sadly, "Anyway...It is his birthday, so making his favorite should be passable."

"Still, putting him on a military school?" Rita sighed to herself, "Sure, we've mentioned it, but it was a last resort scenario."

"Sweetie, don't make me doubt myself, if I do then the kids will smell weakness and it may be like blood on the water for sharks." Lynn Sr. had heard that phrase in his and his children's favorite TV show and they used it often. Naruto was sadly as hooked to it as the rest of the family due to it being a good way to bond with them and the guilty pleasure of crappy reality TV shows.

"All I'm saying is that I wish things hadn't come to this. Much less having a reason to go through with that." Rita told him as she parked.

"Fair enough, we'll see if he finds a way to avoid fighting, and if he does he'll no longer be without that moped." Lynn Sr. said with a determined nod.

Lisa, the twins and Leni were at the front door, giving each other determined nods, "Put a drop on your tongues, the effects should pass quickly." The girl genius told them, Lola swallowing before doing as instructed. Leni started to cough and wheeze as she exited the door, Lana sniffled loudly, and Lola grunted as her throat got sore and raspy.

"Oh my goodness, kids, come with me to the first-aid kit." Rita said firmly and walked her daughters to said kit in her room.

Lincoln, Lucy, Lori and Lynn watched Lisa give them a thumb up while Luan and Luna held Lily, "Alright Lily, this is for our big bro, so give us a big one." The baby nodded as if she understood the rocker and tightly shut her eyes. A then green-faced Luan kept her at arms-length before approaching her father.

"Hey dad, thank you for dropping by, we got a stinker here." She got her father to chortle despite covering half his face with his shirt.

"Good one, honey, let's wrap this up." the man said as he went to get some diapers.

The others were atop the stairs, just as Rita was done checking the faux-sick, "You girls should rest, it doesn't look so bad." She walked upstairs, "Let me check on Naruto."

Lynn and Lincoln got halfway down the stairs when their mom said that, Lynn grinning, "Ready Lincoln?" the white-haired boy gulped but nodded, "Suplex time!"

"WHOA!" Lincoln yelled as Lynn jumped downstairs, holding him from behind in a bearhug and forcing their mother to run down.

"Lynn, what did we tell you about practicing lucha libre moves!?" she asked annoyed, but not angry.

"Sorry, mom, I wanted to know if there was a move I could pull off..." Lincoln lied as his mother gave an exasperated sigh.

Lisa was outside, holding a small trampoline, "Calculating body-weight, mass acceleration and tension..." she turned to a running Naruto just barely jumping over a large hedge, "Naruto, forty-seven degrees angle!" she shouted and he jumped, angling his legs for the right impact. Over him were Lori and Lucy, opening the window to Lincoln's small room and preparing for the worst.

"Geronimo!" Naruto exclaimed as he was shot upwards like a rocket, extending his hand to the one entrance to a problems-free evening...and missed it by a couple of feet. His incoming fall was accompanied by more shouting, "I knew Math would be the death of me!" he screamed while flailing his arms like a wild monkey as if it'd keep him afloat or magically pull him closer to the window.

Lucy put one hand's index finger and thumb to her lips and let out a whistle, summoning a horde of bats, "Go, my minions, save him!" she commanded firmly as the swam of bats picked up the blond and flew him to the window. Lori gave her a questioning glance as Naruto climbed into the room, "Goth perks." That was her only explanation as Naruto fell on the floor unceremoniously.

"Ugh, never did I think I'd thank all your goth powers." He groaned and sat up, "Is the coast clear?"

Lori peeked from the floor to see her father exiting a room, "Now to check on you, son." He said and was about to reach for the attic.

Gritting her teeth, the eldest daughter grabbed one of Lynn's old bats which she gave Lincoln as a hand-me-down and picked up a baseball. Putting the ball on the floor, she opened the door and looked at her dad. A brief mental apology didn't help her, but she let out a whispered yell of "FORE!" when launching the small sphere like it was a golf ball.

"What th-" Lynn Sr. yelped as he stepped on it and started rolling atop it, and then crashed into Lisa's room. A few seconds later, a loud explosion was heard with smoke coming out, "I'M STILL ALIVE!" he shouted, giving his children some much needed relief before finishing the plan.

Once up in the attic, Rita turned on the lights to see Naruto lowly snoring, eyes closed and face down on the pillow, "Sweetie, are you...?" she started, stirring her adopted son awake.

"Hey..." he sat up, mentally thanking all his siblings for the help.

She rubbed his shoulder gently, "Your father will make your favorite dish for dinner, so be ready to go down. Just remember, you won't go out of this room until further notice. And we'll talk to the principal tomorrow to see what's been going on. Just let us find a way to help you instead of fighting."

"I know, mom. Love you." He sighed deeply, unable to argue with the woman that raised him like one of her own. Still, being grounded sucked.

X-X-X-X-X

The next day was another story.

"School...I'm actually glad to be here." Naruto commented to himself.

"Yeah, but since mom and dad are going to talk to the principal..." Lori started.

When he winced at the memory, Leni spoke up, "Oh, don't worry, Lincoln is going to come up with a plan for this. He's the man with the plan... Which is odd, because isn't he still not even a teenager?" despite the nagging feeling they should explain a few things to her, the other sisters added their two cents.

"Don't worry, bro, we're gonna have a few words with them to change their minds." Luna told him with a reassuring smile, "Can't keep ya locked if they see the good you do."

"You're literally a street hero," Lori added. "Perhaps Lincoln will get more people to vouch for you."

"Or I could have some...words of encouragement with dad." Luan grinned in a rather intimidating way, giving her siblings goosebumps.

Naruto cringed at the bad memories, "We're trying to convince them, not traumatize them like last April's Fools. I punched my way out of a friggin' gelatin maze for crying out loud."

"Ah, but you got so jiggly with it, hehehehe!" everyone didn't know whether to take her as seriously as usual or be afraid given how she got on the first of April.

"Anyway, we got your back." Luna said to return things to normal.

"And we'll get all of you too, but we'll also try to help you." Leni added with a beaming smile.

"Thanks, girls, I'll try to avoid trouble to give mom and dad some peace of mind." He grinned at them and all left to their classes.

Before he could head to class, someone approached him with a soft smile, "Leni, there you are!" it was Carlota, looking as classy as ever, "One of the clerks at the store I went to contacted me about a big sale soon. Do you want to check it out? You could bring Lori again."

"I'd love to come, but we may be busy." Lori commented with a soft smile.

Naruto ruffled his short hair again, "If it's because you want to help me, don't. You ought to enjoy yourselves."

"What happened?" Carlota asked with a hand on her hip and clear confusion.

"Grounded."

The Loud siblings' simultaneous response and fingers pointed at Naruto, whose thumbs were aimed at himself, surprised her, "What for? Did you get into a really big fight or something?" she believed he was kind, she had seen that.

"Some secrets can't be hidden forever, and my parents learnt I'm pretty much taking on an army of bullies." The blond explained tiredly.

"Do you really fight that-" Carlota's question was interrupted by an arrogant voice.

"Look here, it's the extra hungry mouth of an example of why breeding should be kept to the rich." Said a boy with reddish brown groomed hair, a strong jawline, and the air of an aristocrat. He wore a blue sweater vest, a white shirt, and beige dress pants with very expensive brown loafers. He was Biff Taylor, champion of the boxing ring in Royal Woods and rich kid.

"What do you want?" Naruto asked, but clenched his fists.

"Oh, just heard a little tale of how you've finally got your leash." The boxer said, patting Naruto's shoulder to irk him, "I've got to admit, old chap, it looks like your parents' best idea since condoms." Naruto had his right fist about to sail to Biff's face, but Luna, Luan and Lori held him back with shock on their faces by stepping to his side.

And Carlota didn't like it, "Who are you?" she asked firmly in front of the rich kid.

Biff snorted in laughter, "Just talking as his better, is all. What is it? Are you interested in working for me? Because I could use a cheerleader for my next match."

Grinding his teeth, Naruto tried to calm down as he didn't want to get his sisters in trouble, "Get out of my way, Biff. Don't you have to go lick Derby's shoes?"

That irked the boxer, "Oh, so you think you're tough with just words? Why not come into a ring and let me teach you what the noble art of boxing is about?"

"Because he's got more important things to do, like going out with me." Carlota added, hugging Naruto's arm and shocking everyone.

"What!?" Biff asked in shock, "You'd go for a poor rat when you got someone like me!? Look at my clothes, I could buy his house for half of what I wear!"

Carlota smirked, "Guess that with that attitude you could ask that to your future wife."

"Sassy, I like her." Luan commented while her siblings laughed and Naruto shared the sentiment with the joker.

"Why you..." Biff saw red.

And it was then that Lynn Sr. and Rita were walking to meet the principal after finding a place to park their van.

"Just breathe in, this should be over quickly." Rita told her husband, who looked like he had an ulcer.

"Of course, I'm just praying there aren't any serious reports of needless violence or-" and it was then that they saw it and heard it.

Echoing through the halls, the slap Biff gave Carlota echoed around as she was put down on the floor by the boxer. Naruto was about to punch him, but that time Leni, Lori, Luna and Luan grabbed him by the waist to prevent him from doing so. Part of him wanted to beat down the then smugly smirking Biff, but his core had forbidden him from harming his sisters.

"Oh, don't like me getting a little rough?" Biff taunted.

"You're an asshole!" Naruto roared while Carlota held a red cheek.

"Unlike you, I can donate to the school like nothing happened." Biff taunted, bending forward, "Come on, do you want to punch me? I'm right here along a trip to the nearest juvenile-"

"Naruto..." Lynn Sr. growled.

"Dad...?" the blond asked in surprise, Biff paling.

The father of twelve nodded sternly, "Don't hold back, son."

Grinning, Naruto turned to Biff just as his sisters let him go, "Of course I won't, dad." He cracked his knuckles while Biff growled.

"Fine, I wanted a punching bag." He got into a traditional boxing stance, skipping on his toes.

Charging forward, Naruto threw a wide hook which Biff ducked under. Before the boxer could go for a liver blow, the blow jumped up and slammed his knee on his face. Biff crashed into a wall, and Naruto didn't let up. As the rich boxer stumbled forward, he was grabbed by the collar before getting a brutal headbutt, followed by a punch to the face, a backhanded follow-up, and another headbutt.

"Had e-" Naruto's question was stopped by a gut punch, which allowed Biff a quick uppercut to send him back and then go for the liver.

"Go back to the ghetto!" Biff yelled with his left hand ready for a hook.

But Naruto reacted quickly. Lifting his right knee to his chest, he aimed his foot at Biff's chest and sent him crashing against some lockers, bending them. Biff staggered forward but didn't lower his guard. Of course, Naruto wasn't going to let him go freely after what he did and charged, but the boxer had experience fighting unrelenting attackers. Once the blond got near, the rich kid held on to him with a textbook clinch.

"Let go, y-" Naruto exclaimed, but Biff started to punch him on the liver to make him fall, "Gah, you-" he tried to shake him off, but the guy wouldn't loosen his grip. And then, he remembered, "I said!" he shouted, quickly spinning to put his right hip besides Biff's left, putting him off balance, "LET!" he grabbed him by the lapels, "GO!" and sent him flying head first straight into a trash can!

While Biff's legs dangled in the air and the rest of his body sunk into old garbage, Naruto helped up Carlota, "Do you do that EVERY time you fight?" she asked in shock.

"They usually go down in one hit unless it's one of the cliques' leaders or their tough guys." The blond replied.

"Son, is that the kind of people you fight with?" his dad asked and the blond ruffled his hair again.

"What can I say? I just can't let them run their mouths off." He replied angrily, but not at them.

"I think we now understand you better after...that." Rita added, "Of course, about what we discussed-"

"If I have to go to military school, do know I regret nothing." Her son said firmly.

"Nor do we!" Lori said, "Seriously, if not for him guys like that and worse would be loose around this school!"

"And we'd be left alone with those creeps, so please don't send him away!" Leni begged, clasping her hands.

"Come on, mum and dad, he's always given peace a chance until he has to stick to his guns." Luna added.

"If you take him away now, it'd be the punchline to a sick joke." Luan exclaimed miserably.

Even Carlota stood up for him, "Please, this wouldn't have happened had I not talked to that guy and-"

"Girls, we're not sending him to a military academy." The father said.

"For real?" all six teenagers asked in shock, Rita smiling awkwardly.

"After that demonstration, we couldn't." then she aimed a finger at her son, "But only – and I mean only – if you fight like this as a last resort. Am I clear?"

"You got it, mom!" the blond beamed.

As for Biff... "This happy ending blows..." he'd be in the trash can for several more hours after losing consciousness.

**X-X-X-X-X**

And that's my rap!

Naruto will try to not start or get into fights even if he likes it, but given the characters he'd deal with... Yeah, expect some more tussles. Also, I'm not the only one who thinks Pop-pop Loud could kick some serious ass, am I? Guy's cool, has possibly a marine tattoo, and in that episode with Lincoln he showed he could bench press a bull for the funsies.

Also, yes, the antagonists and bosses of Bully are mostly assholes if you haven't figured it out with Biff here.

Swordslinger out!


	4. Chapter 4

I OWN NOTHING

To explain my method of writing: pure inspired idiocy which I then look long and hard at.

**X-X-X-X-X**

Lincoln was in a good mood as he left the school, "Alright, Clyde, I hope you're ready for tonight." His best friend, the one he considered a loyal ally for any situation, was a black boy about his height with short hair, a yellow and blue striped jersey over a white shirt, black pants and shoes, and round glasses. He was as energetic as Lincoln when it came to many things, but a lot more fragile in health.

His spectacled best friend nodded, "Of course I am, everyone's been waiting for this episode of ARGGH! and I even made some snacks with my parents for it." He said and gave Lincoln a box, "We made extra, so you can have a few with your brother, Lincoln. Hope he likes the McBride special spicy guacamole."

"He can tank Lynn's subs, he'll survive anything you can dish out." Lincoln beamed, then turned to the camera, "One advantage of being two boys in a house with a lot of sisters is that you have that one guy who'll know what you go through and can back you up. Naruto's not as much of a fan of ARGGH! like me, but he's gonna help me watch it for some favors like this spicy guacamole for the nachos."

"Hey..." asked a couple teens at least three heads taller than the boys, "I know you, don't I?" Lincoln and Clyde turned to each other. The teens were burly and didn't look friendly. One had acne and the other a red ski cap, and their jeans and simple t-shirts didn't make them look like members of any dangerous clique. However, the elementary school students knew how to spot bullies.

"Um, no, I don't think you would." Lincoln forced a grin...and was promptly held in a one-armed hug, the teen's large anaconda for an arm wrapped around his shoulders.

"Oh really, I could swear I've seen you around a blond pain in my ass..." growled the cap-wearing teen with a frown. Lincoln gulped for he knew where everything was headed while Clyde started to hyperventilate, "Also, I think it's time to play a game." The teen continued with a smirk.

"Any chance it's a friendly game of cards?" Clyde asked, slightly breathless as he tried to grip his paper bag.

"It's a race, actually." The acne teen said, pulling two large trash cans with a hand carrying each. "Let's see which of you goes down the hill faster!"

"Oh crud!" the two yelped and tried to run off, only to be quickly put in the trash by both teens, kicked on the side, and then shoved down a hill.

As the two screamed their lungs out and bumped up and down, the teens hollered amusedly, "And tell your brother to mind his bee's wax!"

Sadly, that wasn't all there was to it. "Ugh...my spine...will feel that tomorrow." Lincoln groaned after the painful stop when his trash can hit a lamppost. Putting his hands on the lower part of his back, he cracked every aching joint in place. Clyde looked nauseous from the motion sickness, but managed to keep his lunch in.

"What...was that...about...?" the spectacled boy asked, taking a banana peel off his head and adjusting his glasses.

"I don't know, but they were angry." Lincoln tried to think of a proper explanation, "It's the first time some guys I don't know come to attack me."

"Doesn't your brother usually scare them?" Clyde asked, punching his palm.

"Yeah, though I wonder what..." Lincoln looked up at the sun slowly moving and grunted, "Oh no, it's getting late. If I want to set everything for ARGGH! I need to go..."

"But the bullies targeted you!" Clyde argued.

"Listen, I can take a few hits...mostly thanks to Lynn." Lincoln deadpanned at the last statement, "I can take whatever they throw at me if I can watch some ARGGH! in peace. Only one chance and one man allows me the privilege of watching it, and those are today and Naruto. I can't have him hunting those bullies and take who knows how long to come back." He argued as firmly and logically as he could.

Clyde nodded solemnly, "Indeed...man, the sacrifices one must make to enjoy his shows are never easy." He pitifully shook his head before nodding determinedly at his friend, "Best of luck, Lincoln... Also, take the main streets. Less bullies around and much safer thanks to the police."

"Thanks, I'll call you soon." The albino nodded, then felt the audience's displeasure with his choice, "What? Do you know how hard it is to watch TV with your family? Imagine that but multiply it by the Loud Chaos Factor. Lucky me, Naruto doesn't watch much TV unless it's the cooking channel."

As the two boys made their way to their respective homes, Naruto was at the Loud residence with a magazine in hand and the sofa all for himself, "Man, the things I do for the McBride nachos." He said to no one and flipped a page, bored out of his mind, "Huh...this tournament sounds like fun... Tch, too bad minors can't enter." He clicked his tongue at the impossibility of fighting other strong warriors in a no-rule match.

Lola walked in with a beaming smile and cupcakes with enough sugar in them to cause diabetes to any healthy person in a single bite, "Reading anything fun, big brother?" she asked.

Naruto casually flipped a page without looking at the tiny beauty queen, "You know the rules, I was first putting my buttocks on this seat, the TV is mine."

"Urh-uh, I...I don't know what brought such a comment on..." she ground her teeth with all her willpower focused on keeping her smile.

Naruto just lied flat on his back on the sofa, "Listen, I made a deal with Lincoln and I am not breaking it. Also, I think I am growing fond of how silly that ghost show is." He had to admit that the overdramatic show, the hammy lines and cheesy scenarios were fun. Also, he got good nachos with spicy guacamole sauce, no downsides for him.

"Ahem," Lisa called his attention, bringing forth a blackboard with a picture of Naruto's brain being influenced by the TV radiation, "if you'd pay attention to this chart, you'll discover the dangers of such actions. I took the liberty of charting what parts of your brain are under stress from garbage TV as well as propose a list of alternatives to nurture your senses and guarantee better grades."

Naruto's reply was to the point when he flipped a page, "I'll possibly fall asleep if we watch another documentary on sewers. Could you deal with my snoring?"

The tiny genius snapped her fingers, "Dang it, forgot that possibility."

"You gotta take the lead!" Lynn exclaimed as she flew over the couch for a textbook body slam!

Too bad for her that Naruto was big and strong enough to lift her in the air with both feet, as if they were playing that she was an airplane, "I can see you coming a mile away, you need to improve." He told her and flipped to another page, a frown forming on his face, "And no, I won't fight you for it."

"Aw, you never let me do things the fun way." Lynn growled.

Leni stepped in with her usual bubbly smile, "So, like, Naru, I know you love going to the mall shopping with me, so if you could-"

"Hey, new glasses?" he asked, easily distracting her.

"No, silly, but close enough! I just got my hair cut, do you like it?" she pushed up her hair, which looked exactly the same as usual.

"Yeah, it looks amazing." He retorted with a soft grin, then returned reading, "Perhaps you should get proper sunglasses for it."

Leni frowned but nodded, "Darn, you're so ahead of me when it comes to fashion sometimes." Her ever present grin returned, "Thank you, Naru."

"Hey Naruto, I found your old gum from last week." Lana said as she walked in, holding said item.

"Lana...I am not giving you this seat for gum that I already discarded..." he replied weirded out.

The tomboy shrugged, "I just wanted to know if I can keep it." The girl then shoved it into her mouth with a smile, getting him to gag slightly.

"Hey brother dearest!" Lori started with a smile and slips of paper in one hand. "I've got coupons for free meals at a new Japanese restaurant. If you-"

"Lincoln beat you to it." He cut her off, holding up identical coupons in one hand.

"Urgh, good game, Linc." The eldest sister growled but conceded defeat.

Luan approached him from behind, a wide grin on her face as she carried a large bag, "Prepare to meet your baker! Ahahahaha!" her laughter was heralded by her throwing the bag into the air and unleashing five banana pies to fall onto the whiskered Loud. Quickly, Naruto reached under his seat to pull out a large umbrella and open it, letting the baked goods hit it.

"Note to self, never underestimate how prepared Lincoln can be." the blond told himself.

"Aw, dang it." Luan groaned, snapping her fingers, "I really liked that joke." She crossed it off a list of jokes in a notepad she carried for the right material.

"Aw-right, time to bring out the big guns!" Luna howled, pulling out a massive speaker and readying her guitar, "I WANNA ROCK!"

Once she pulled the strings, Lincoln and Clyde were around the corner, "Hey Linc, do you think Naruto's doing fine? Your sisters are quite persuasive." He then gained a dreamy smile, "I know Lori could order me to walk to the ends of the world and I'd do so barefoot..."

"Clyde has a point." Lincoln told the audience, a thumb hooked at the house, "Naruto's tough and my sisters are relentless. It's a matter of unstoppable wall meets an unstoppable train. One will fall to the other in a painful crash." Then he smiled confidently, "Lucky for me, Naruto's a hard guy, a legit hard fighter. It'll take a lot to get him off the couch."

*BOOM!*

A powerful sonic wave knocked not only Naruto but the couch out through the living room! Lincoln went in fast, worried for his siblings. Everyone was sprawled on the living room with Lily safe in her mother's arms. Looking around the wreckage, Lincoln found the adopted blond clutching the sofa like a baby koala on its mother's back. Disoriented sisters got up as Naruto lied down on the couch.

"Luna, we talked about the volume!" Rita told her third eldest daughter.

"What did you say about books!?" Lynn Sr. asked, digging into an ear with his pinky finger.

"Did you say something, honey!?" Rita yelled back.

"Naruto, are you okay, are you alive!?" Lincoln asked worriedly.

"I...really shouldn't underestimate how ready you are for these things." Naruto said, pulling out a couple of plugs from his ears.

"Considering I don't have your bulletproof body, I need to use my smarts." Lincoln replied flatly with a dull expression.

X-X-X-X-X

As Lincoln got to read his comics in his underwear as usual, he heard a knock at the door. Groaning briefly, he got up and put his pants back on to be somewhat modest. Upon opening the door, he found an energetic Lana with her gap-toothed smile promising trouble. On her hands was a jar full of frog eggs. He knew he'd regret asking, but he had to.

"Where'd you get those?" he asked while letting her in.

"I found them at the pond and took them and the mother to help them hatch." She poked the jar where the frog mother appeared to blink at the boy.

"And you're telling me because you want me to watch over them." Lincoln crossed his arms, "Lana, didn't mom and dad tell you that you already had too many frogs?"

"Sure, but can you really tell me you want them at the pond?" Lana retorted, "Come on, Linc, some jerks have been using the place to play sick games with the frogs." It wasn't unusual to see Lana angry since she and Lola butted heads the most, it was unusual to see her seriously angry. Not on a mindless rampage but keeping a firm face which showed disgust at someone's atrocious actions.

"What's the deal?" he asked.

"Bunch of bullies waltzed into the park the pond's at with bats and...used the frogs as baseballs." She felt sick saying that, and it was a girl who ate her buggers speaking.

"Oh my, did you tell anyone?" Lincoln asked horrified.

"I wanted to, but...well, mom and dad would possibly force me to leave them there." Lana chuckled awkwardly.

Lincoln sighed as he took the jar and placed it on his bed, "I am telling them, but I'll-"

Once his back was turned, Lana gasped, "Hey Lincoln, how'd you get those bruises?"

Cue a mental kick in the ass once the boy recalled the bullies' actions early on. Thus, he tried to lie, "Oh, uh, that? I fell off the bed..." his nervous grin made him an awful liar.

"Hey, I'm no Lisa, but I know a beatdown since I wrestle some rough animals." Lana replied seriously, "Who did that?"

Growling, Lincoln thought desperately on a plan, and came to a sad conclusion, "Alright, it was a pair of bullies, but don't tell Naruto."

"Are you kidding? He should be suplexing those guys by now!" Lana was shocked at his demand.

"Listen, I've waited a long time to watch this episode of ARGGH! and Naruto wants to enjoy it, too." He told her with a finger up, "Just do me a favor and don't ruin this, and I'll keep the frog and her babies safe. I'm willing to tell him after the episode is over, alright?"

Lana bit her bottom lip but looked at the mother and her eggs in the jar blink at her, "Ugh, dang it, I hate this, just so you know." She said and extended her hand for a shake.

"Trust me, I feel the same." He sighed deeply as they made their deal.

"Hey Lincoln, your show's starting!" Naruto called out.

Quickly, Lincoln put on his shirt and walked downstairs, groaning, "Oh...dang it, now I feel it." He turned to the audience, "What? Do you think I like lying to the one guy who backs me up? Of course not, but I'll tell him all about it later. For now, let me enjoy the show after that trashy ride." He paused, then pointed a finger at the camera, "Pun unintended, don't tell Luan to use that."

Just as he reached the living room, a shadow slipped out and stood before him, "We need to talk."

"Gah, Lucy!" he exclaimed after nearly jumping out of his skin, "What's the mat-"

"I know of your dark secret." She answered.

"Um, wha-what are you talk-" just as he started, she interrupted him with a crystal ball held in her hand.

"My plan to get Naruto to leave the couch to me was to read his fortune and find him proper, better gain than the McBride's' spicy nachos...I sadly couldn't. That guacamole is too good even for spiritual words." A blank-faced Lincoln could only stare until she continued, "Anyway, seeing as I still had time for a plan, I kept contacting the spirits in the vents. That's when I heard you and Lan-mmm!"

Lincoln's hand went to her pale lips, silencing her, "Not here!" he pulled Lucy away from any nearby ears or eyes, "Okay, you know, but why didn't you tell anyone? Why me?"

Lucy remained stoic as he let her talk, "Frankly, I understand your reason and want to see if you will keep your word."

"I will, those guys were the worst."

"Yes, but, I also feel that something horrible will happen." She said and rubbed her crystal ball. "It is by your actions that it will happen."

"Are you trying to scare me to let you watch your show?" he asked, feeling slightly offended.

"I am not, it is a cautionary message given to me by the spirits." Lucy said, "It shall be truly horrifying, but this path to the future can be undone should you tell the truth."

"Hey, this only affected me, how else could it get worse if I stay here?" he argued.

Lucy stood as impassive as ever, "I do not know, but the spirits tell me you are the one who needs to confess to avoid the catastrophe. Therefore, I shall let you decide." She allowed her brother to pass without an opportunity for him to discuss what she was saying with her. Gulping as she looked at him from behind her curtain of hair, the boy went to sit next to his big brother.

Once seated, Naruto noticed his little brother's wince, "Hey, did something happen?" he asked and pointed at the albino's pained expression.

"Oh, just anxious to watch this!" Lincoln lied and swiftly pulled out the spicy guacamole, "Who wants good nachos!?"

"Me, of course, now hand me the goods." Naruto replied with a content smile as he finally tossed his magazine aside.

Lincoln picked it up with interest, "Fists of Fury Tournament?" he read it out loud, "Join the ultimate chance to prove your fighting is the best. All contestants are allowed to use any or no martial art so long as they are the last combatant standing."

"If only I were older, you'd see me there." Naruto told him and grabbed the magazine, "For now, I'm happy dad lets me rough up anyone who tries to bully you." He gave Lincoln a pat on the back, and watched his reaction, a painful wince, with shock, "Hey, I didn't hit you that hard, did I?"

"It's fiiine..." Lincoln hissed, "I...had a rough day-HEY!"

One would assume Naruto's hatred towards bullying meant he'd never raise a hand to his siblings. Anyone would be absolutely correct with such an idea. However, he was bigger, stronger and faster than Lincoln as well as more aware than his adoptive little brother gave him credit for. With a firm grasp of Lincoln's collar, he lifted the boy in the air and checked his back. He saw purple, and then saw red.

"Who did this!? I want names!?" he asked Lincoln once he put him down.

"Wait, we can do this after the show, please." The albino tried to talk him out of it.

"I wanted to watch the show with you, not see you lie for it!" Naruto snapped and dropped him. "Fine, you stay here, I'll do some hunting!"

"Wait, what!?" Lynn Sr. asked in shock.

"Ask Lincoln, dad." Was all the adopted blond said before going on a bully safari.

"Oh dear, we should call the police." Rita told her husband with great concern.

"What just happened?" the Loud patriarch asked with his hands on his hips and the narrowed look which Lincoln couldn't lie to.

"I...I got bullied." He finally confessed. "Some guys picked me up, put me in a trash can and sent me rolling downhill."

"Who were they?" Lynn Jr. asked once she heard the commotion, pulling up her sleeves, "I wanna join Naruto and bust some-"

"Lynn, that's enough talk about violence!" her mother scolded the ponytailed brunette, although she then muttered under her breath, "The idea's tempting enough..."

"Listen, I don't even know the guys or saw them until today. They were just targeting me because...well, because of Naruto." Lincoln finally confessed. "I heard them mention him."

"Oh no, it's what I was afraid of." Lynn Sr. sat down on the couch and rubbed his face. "I knew violence would attract more fighting, but I just had to tell Naruto to..." he didn't regret what he did, but he wanted an option that wouldn't pull trouble towards his family.

"Dad, I understand, trust me when I say that." Lori said and placed her hand on the balding man's shoulder, "When Naruto first started getting into fights back when I got bullied by my acne and braces, I wanted to tell you. However, I also saw bullies do worse than mock others because of how they looked. It wasn't until he stood up and started pushing back that those who don't want problems got to relax."

"It pains me to say this, dad, but fighting's the one thing he's good at." Luna added, "He's not a bad guy, just the hardest one out there. Most punks out there don't get they should stop causing trouble or hurting a new kid unless he starts punching some sense into them."

Rita sighed, "Even so, violence should be the last resort, as-"

"Uwwaaaa...!" everyone turned in shock to see a tear-soaked, mud coated Lana with a bruised forehead.

"What happened!?" Lynn Sr. asked in shock as he and his wife and children went to look over the animal loving tomboy.

"Some...some bullies were killing the frogs at the pond..." she sniffled, "And when I tried to stop them, I...I...I got kicked." She sobbed as her parents held her close, but she continued, "And they said they'd beat up Naruto for always ruining their fun..."

"Wait, did one have acne and the other a ski cap!?" Lincoln didn't like to believe in Lucy's occult stuff for fear of his immortal soul, but it clicked.

Lana nodded between soft cries, "Naruto said...he'd see them."

X-X-X-X-X

"Hey batter, batter, swing!"

The acne bully chortled as he chucked a frog at his partner who had a bat up...and missed his swing, "Dammit!" he cursed and turned to the frog once the poor animal landed on the floor, holding up his bat in the middle of the park. A loud, wet smacking sound echoed in the clearing Lana used to frog watch. Both guys had made it their hideout.

"Nasty, but you know what that means." The other bully said and extended a hand to get the bat with a smirk.

"Yeah, yeah, take it." The cap guy growled, "Man, I really like hitting these damn toads."

"Same, it's even funnier thinking their croaking is Naruto making those pathetic noises." The acne bully snickered.

His friend's mood was perked up, "Hah, I wish he could be splatted as easily."

"Just..." the batter said as he prepared himself for a swing, "Like this!" He swung, hitting an open palm which caught the bat, "Oh shit..." the bully whispered.

Naruto effortlessly yanked the bat from the first bully and used it to bash his head with a brutal downwards swing. After hammering the bully's head like it was a nail, he brought up a knee, raised the bat, and let a primal roar of anger as he swung like he had seen Lynn do many times before. Rolling to a painful, mangled halt, the pimple-faced teen lied flat at his friend's feet while Naruto approached the other bully.

"W-w-wait, we were just told to cause trouble to get you!" the red cap wearing bully blurted out as he raised his hands. "Gary told Russell that since you can fight back once again, we should-" No words were spoken. Pure rage flared in his eyes. Seeing what Lincoln went through with those bruises. Finding Lana crying. Seeing her beloved frogs squashed. Listening to the guys' laughter for their cruel acts.

It made him sick, "Shut up!" Naruto shouted as he rammed the pummel of the bat into the bully's mouth and promptly kicked upwards. Teeth flew along the bat after he broke the teen's jaw with sheer brutality. As the bat fell, he lifted a hand to casually catch it. Looking at the two boys on the floor kept his blood boiling. He wanted to keep going, to pummel them until the bat broke and continue with his fists.

But then, a tiny frog hopped in his path, looking at him with a soft, "Ribbit."

Letting out a deep breath, he threw the bat aside and caught the tiny amphibian in his hands, "Let's get you a home." He said as he looked at a box full of more frogs the bullies had caught wrongly labelled toads. A quick use of a marker to cross it out and put the word frogs later, and he carried the box in his hands.

"You...you think you'll get away with this?" the acne bully taunted him, "Russell wants vengeance after you beat him last time. He'll-" and he was immediately shut up by Naruto's foot smashing against the side of his head. Blood and teeth spilled over as the blond brawler let out a sigh and looked up at the sky, rainy clouds forming.

"Tell him to be an actual man and come get me himself." He told the barely conscious bullies as he put on his hood. "And the next time any of you targets my family, I won't hold back."

"W-what...?" whimpered the two as they registered his words.

"I can hit harder than that, do you want a demonstration?" he asked, his eyes shadowed by his hood gave him a far more menacing look than intended.

"No!" they cried, actually soiling their pants.

Once home, Naruto let out a deep sigh, "I'm back."

And was instantly bombarded by worried questions, "What happened!? Did you break too many bones!?" his father asked.

"Did you avenge Lana properly!?" Lola asked with fire in her eyes and a fist up to shake in anger.

"How...how bad was it...?" Lana asked the blond once she approached him. Everyone grew silent as Naruto looked at her. She had an ice-pack and her pigtails were slightly disheveled. Puffy cheeks from crying and the redness of her nose said she had exhausted herself. However, his presence calmed her, and he decided to cheer her up.

"I got as many as I could." He said and set down the box. "And I warned them not to go after you guys, but if they do..."

He looked at his parents, Lynn Sr. frowning as he put his hands on his hips, "I am not one to advocate for violence, but... I can see even clearer that it will come to you. I will call the police and so they can help with this kind of cases. However, I..." he let out a small proud smile, "...can't really say I'm against you defending your sisters... Still, please answer our previous questions."

"Oh, right, in some order..." Naruto tried to recall. "I found them playing baseball with the frogs as the ball... I then played baseball with them as the ball. Don't worry, they'll live, but one will need new teeth." Lola gave him a thumb up for a perfectly executed revenge.

His father rubbed his balding spot, "I will talk to the officers so they can find these guys and leave out as many details as possible involving you." He said with a deep sigh. "I still don't like violence as an answer."

"Trust me, I hate violence, but it finds me naturally." Naruto replied with a heavy sigh. Then he turned to Lincoln, "Now, you have some answering to do."

Looking down, the boy held up his hands, "I'm sorry. I really am." He turned to face his brother, "Look, from now on I'll talk to mom, dad and you if I have a problem like this. Well, preferably mom and dad first so they're in the know." He rubbed his arm in shame, "I could've made this easier had I not kept this secret. Lana wouldn't have gotten kicked and less frogs would be..."

"Do you want to make up for it?" his big brother asked.

"Just say the word!" Lincoln beamed at his chance for redemption.

Moments later in the rain, the albino and Lana were digging in the backyard in yellow raincoats and boots, "Put your back into it, Linc!" Lana exclaimed as she and the buy hefted up piles of dirt with shovels, "This new pond won't make itself!" she had a smile on her face as she was surrounded by frogs and mud, two of her most favorite things.

Wiping some sweat off his brow while he kept digging, Lincoln turned to the audience, "Say what you will about how scary my big brother can be, his heart's in the right place. Now that mom and dad see how much good he does they couldn't say no to making this pond until the bully problem is sorted out." He sunk the spade into the wet dirt and used his foot to dig deeper, "But, yes, I've learnt my lesson. Lying about my own wellbeing for something as superficial as a show is only going to make things worse. Especially with bullies. I shouldn't forget having brothers is about backing each other up."

"Hey Lincoln!" Naruto called out from the house, "I recorded your episode of ARGHH! You can watch it later once you're done with the pond and Lucy's done with her vampire show."

A large smile crept on the boy's face, "Really makes me realize I owe him something. Besides the McBride spicy guacamole." He pondered for a bit, then turned to Lana, "Hey, do you think we should get Naruto a gift for this?" he asked with a hopeful smile to get her into his plan.

"Duh, I am going to fine-tune his moped free of charge." She replied.

"Well, that's nice, but I'm talking something really nice." He smiled as the two got deeper into the dirt, "Say...does he have a girlfriend?"

Inside the house, Lori dropped her phone in the middle of texting her friends. Leni accidentally ripped a piece of cloth she was working on in her sewing machine. Luna pulled on a string so hard it created a horrible screech from her speaker. Luan popped a balloon animal she had been making. And in her own house, Carlota accidentally smeared some lipstick on her cheeks.

In the Loud house vents, Lucy smirked as she looked into her crystal ball, "Things will get interesting."

**X-X-X-X-X**

And that's my rap!

As a person, I don't like violence. Even when sparring in a boxing ring I can't help but apologize to the guy they tell me to pummel when it's the poor bastard's turn to practice his defense and weaving. However, I can tell you that sometimes if a bully keeps pushing you, you need to push back. Go to a proper gym to learn martial arts or at least pick up some boxing lessons. I'd suggest mixing kickboxing and judo or jiujitsu.

In case you haven't figured it out, yes, I think people need to fight back if they are going to constantly get kicked down. Or at least find a way to stand tall. Ignoring the bullies is good, but when it's not good enough, I have a single piece of advice: either tell someone or get stronger physically and mentally. For example, not only is Naruto strong here, but he holds back from going full berserk since he knows that pummeling the guys while they're down would only bring him trouble, and a trip to juvie.

Swordslinger out!


	5. Chapter 5

I OWN NOTHING

It seems you guys are having fun with this, so I'll keep trying my hardest. It took me like 5 tries to figure out what to do for this chapter.

**X-X-X-X-X**

Meetings between Loud siblings usually tended to go smoothly in Lori and Leni's room. All the children sat around wherever they could find a proper seat and listed their ideas for the topic at hand. Frequently, the majority vote worked in their favor. For example, if Naruto and Lincoln voted to play a videogame but the girls all wanted to watch a specific TV show, they'd at least get to find a schedule to benefit everyone. But there were times in which disputes happened and things had to be broken down in case of a draw with 12 siblings. Although, none could say they didn't take each other's voices seriously.

"On to the main topic, those bullies who could try to get at Naruto through us." Lori said stoically and got several nods.

"Leave a few to me!" Lynn exclaimed, but her eldest sibling slammed down her shoe on her small makeshift podium.

"Lynn, I know you're eager to help, but please raise your hand or at least let me finish." She turned to Lincoln and handed him the shoe, "Lincoln, your turn."

"Of course, after Lana and I got to be targets, I worked with Lisa over our schedules with Naruto's." the youngest boy said as he pulled up a piece of paper and put it against a foamboard.

His little genius sister pushed up her glasses as she explained the chart with a laser pointer, "An actual challenge given the fact we all want time to ourselves, have specific needs and activities, and each has our own route. However, it was a challenge Lincoln's planning helped greatly with."

For a brief second, the albino turned to the audience, "With these many siblings, you'd also be this meticulous to find time to yourself."

"Wait, question." Lola raised her hand, "We're having Naruto act as our bodyguard, but what of special events like my beauty pageants or a visit to the spa."

Lisa replied dryly, "Chances and sacrifices will have to be taken and made respectively. For starters, there is no real priority as we can all be potential targets and Naruto is still human. We aren't going to overwork him or claim to need special treatment... Such as..." she let out a sigh, "If I must go to the lab, I shall find a group to be with and go through different, more secure if less efficient routes."

Lincoln explained in a simpler version, "Meaning we all have to make a few changes by going through more crowded streets where people can get cops to stop the bullies if Naruto can't be with us."

Naruto arched a brow at that, "Alright, but what if they still try to bother you regardless of the audience?"

Lisa answered swiftly, "I was suggesting a simple discharge of a hundred thousand bolts, but Lincoln made the observation that a stun-gun would be too much for the capabilities of some of you."

Everyone immediately turned to Leni, "Don't look at me, I wouldn't sting anyone." She defended herself.

"Case and point." Lisa finished and adjusted her glasses again. "Anyway, a less dangerous alternative was speed-dialing our brother. I've already installed a tracking device to all the phones of those with such items at their disposal and to link it to his in case of an emergency." Everyone looked at their phones and then at the genius girl with questioning stares, "Oh please, breaking molecules down to their most basic components is easy, did you think linking your phones would be difficult?"

Lori replied with a grimace, "It's the part where you did it without us knowing that is just plain unnerving."

Lisa merely adjusted her glasses with a dry look on her face, "Don't worry, I've no interest in your trivial matters as I understand you need privacy." Looking away, she softly muttered to herself, "Otherwise my experiments wouldn't have that factor of mystery which makes them enjoyable."

Lincoln coughed to get everyone's attention, "Anyway, I don't think anyone would have any objections to this, right? We have to try to stir clear from bullies and try not to count on Naruto... too much." He smiled, forcefully but it was from knowing that the blond would help them no matter what.

The adopted brother punched his palm, "Not to worry, once I find the weasel behind these attacks, I'm making them stop for good."

Lisa passed by him with a sheet of paper for each of her siblings, "Should you require aid, contact me for anything you may be intellectually challenged by. For now, here are our schedules and new routes, please do keep a copy close if you have trouble remembering them. I've put effort to color code everyone to make it easier for you." She did quite a good job as each of the siblings' main colors was on a route around the city such as Lori being blue, Lynn red, Lola pink, Luan yellow, etc.

"And on a happier note to finish this meeting..." Lori said as she took the podium while everyone got their papers with either curious or resigned looks of acceptance. "Getting Pop-pop a party for his stay at the new place. Seems large enough for half of us to visit him at a time without cramping his room too much."

"What happened to the old place?" Lana asked curiously, chewing gum no one wanted to figure out where she got it.

"It's being demolished." Lori explained and some brows were furrowed.

"Wait, he told me he just wanted to go to the other place." Lincoln said.

"He complained to me about nosy kids." Luna commented.

"Is Pop-pop hiding something, because it sure sounds like that?" Lola said with a deeper frown and her hands on her hips.

"Everyone, please, there must be a reason for this." Leni said in an interesting display of intelligence, "After all, Pop-pop told me he had to move, although I don't know why since he's already a lively guy." And the spark was gone as soon as it showed itself.

"Let's ask, it doesn't hurt to do so." Naruto said, rubbing the back of his neck, "Besides, I want to see if he's up for a little sparring."

"Yeah!" Lynn cheered, hands up. The other siblings knew Naruto took a few pointers from Pop-pop since the old man was as tough as he was in his youth. They were amazed their grandfather was a hard man back in his day, though, given his caring, cheerful and carefree attitude. Then again, hard men raised in hard times do their best to ensure their kids enjoy a good life and he was no exception even to his grandchildren.

Thus, all 12 siblings went to the old retirement home, a small and simple place which was getting emptier as time went on, "Wow, is this place haunted or what?" Lori asked with a slight chill upon passing empty room after empty room. Her question brought a small smile to Lucy's face.

"Nice, I could find new spirits soon, then..." upon that birth of excitement came a sudden realization, "Wait, I haven't done any funeral services lately. The staff have my number."

"Lucy, please keep details of that job of yours to yourself." Naruto pleaded, feeling a shiver shoot up his spine.

"A girl has to make a living, and the dead need a resting place." Lucy said matter-of-factly.

"I hope you're not talking about me, I've still got to see Lily grow into a fine little lady." Pop-pop chortled as he walked out of his room, "Hey kids, what brings you here all of a sudden?"

"Pop-pop, why are you really moving?" Lincoln asked, being the voice of reason and the friendliest of all siblings, it was decided he'd interrogate with their grandfather.

"What do you... I mean, I believe I told you all." Pop-pop grinned to calm them down.

"And none of your stories add up." Naruto said with a step forward as it had been decided he'd be the more forceful part of the interrogation.

"Ah... dang it, knew I should've stuck to one... Fine, fine, you got me, kids." Pop-pop raised his hands in surrender and sat on a bench at the lobby, "This place was bought some time ago and now the man who has the rights to the deed wants us gone, pronto. Of course, he didn't count on all of us moving or croaking as fast as he expected, so... He got some help."

"What kind of help?" Naruto asked, though he had an inkling.

"Why? Are you interested in a job that'd suit you?" asked a snobbish voice Naruto recognized as did his five oldest sisters. It was a tall boy with a slim, athletic build, pale blonde hair in a classic haircut, combed to the side, and an expensive set of clothes. He wore a fine white silk shirt with a yellow tie, a diamond-patterned blue sweater vest, beige dress pants, a pair of brown leather loafers, and a gold watch.

Luan was the first to react, balling her hands into fists, "What are you doing here?"

Smugly smirking at her, the boy turned to Naruto, "Oh, the jester, how lovely of you to bring a bigger joke than you, Loud. How's it feel to take the name of such a sad attempt at comedy?"

Words could hurt, and his hit Luan, which immediately flipped Naruto's ass-kicking switch, "Don't worry, she can come up with something good once I'm done with you."

"Whoa, who's this guy?" Lincoln asked for those who didn't know. "Also, just how much money do you need to have to dress like that?"

"He's Moe... Last name, Ron." Naruto said, hoping to annoy the other male teen.

It worked, "Derby Harrington, a noble name unlike yours, you low-class peon!"

Leave it to Lola to know a thing or two about manners, "Hey, if you are so noble, you ought to know how to talk in front of ladies!"

"Enough drivel!" said another voice, a man in a pinstripe blue suit with a while silk shirt, a blue tie, a pair of sapphire cufflinks, and the same hairdo as Derby, albeit snow white. Like father, like son; the man looked as much if not far more of a snob than his child. Carrying a large and rotund belly not as big as Pop-pop's, he looked like a typical pompous millionaire.

Pop-pop knew the man, "Harvey Harrington, so nice... to not have seen you for decades." Both men exchanged looks that said everything needed to know between them.

The man growled, fighting to control his anger, "I feel the same way, trust me, Loud. And I can also see you taught your children how to be obnoxious, even those extra mouths you don't need." Harvey Harrington smirked at the end, looking at a certain street brawler.

Pop-pop took his chance to boast, "Ha! He may not be my blood, but he can fight as well if not better than me in his youth!"

Naruto had a cheeky smirk... "If you need proof, ask your son how all our fights went." Then he was hit by realization as were the other Loud siblings, "Wait, Pop-pop, you know this guy?"

"Know him? I had to sock his face from time to time when he thought his money could get him your grandma – may she rest in peace." Pop-pop said with a thumb hooked to the other old man. "Think of it as that movie Back to the Future if only Marty's father had my spine, my wit, my fists, and these arms!" he beamed and flexed.

Harvey spoke placing his hands over his son's shoulders, "And yet, I still married a woman thirty years my junior and made a perfect heir."

Derby smirked, "Please, father, I am just worth a network bigger than what all of these peons could achieve if combining all your money."

Pop-pop just cracked his knuckles with a smirk, "I'm not afraid to go again if needed, Harvey, just don't break your hip."

"I don't need to." Derby's father smirked back, showing them a slip of paper, "You've done all the work for me, Loud."

"You bought this... Wait, why am I shocked? It makes sense." Pop-pop's surprise was short-lived upon remembering who he was talking to.

Sadly, the apple fell straight down from the tree when it came to the snobbery of Derby, "And not a moment too soon... Talking to that Johnny Vincent punk was like tossing neurons out the window."

Naruto had enough and was ready to fight Derby, "You got that punk to terrorize my grandfather? How petty can you be?"

However, there was a voice of reason, Lincoln's voice, which calmed down his brother, "Stop, it's not worth it, and remember Pop-pop is going to move soon."

"Not soon enough." Harvey said with a smug smirk, "Which is why your grandfather must move within the hour or we shall kick him out." A couple of men who were obviously thugs dressed in construction outfits, complete with helmets, stepped in. "Oh, and Loud... I heard you're moving to such a fine place. So fine I could... make a little addition to my little economic empire there."

Lincoln himself could also lose all reason, "Alright, don't let me stop you." He patted Naruto's back.

"Please, kid, like you could do anything." Thug No. 1 said, a man who looked like a silverback gorilla.

"Let him, this should be fun." Thug No. 2 added, and he was built like a brickhouse.

"Are you really going to use thugs in front of kids?" Pop-pop asked.

Harvey smiled smugly enough to get himself on a top ten hated men list, "Heavens no, I am using handful employees to get you out of the property which rightfully belongs to-" he stopped upon feeling a tug at his pants. Looking down, he found Lisa already at one of her many elements, reading, "Yes, what do you want, child? Can't you see we have-"

"According to the regulation protocols which – unfortunately for you – favor moles as our systems are too lenient, you cannot move Pop-pop out without either proper compensation or paying for his own relocation." Lisa's hobby of doing the Loud family taxes as well as keeping them from legal trouble with a few contacts worked wonders for legal situations, "Should I call the authorities to discuss this?"

Harvey and Derby sweated while Naruto beamed proudly, ruffling Lisa's hair, "Leave it to you to beat down punks without throwing a punch."

Proud at her success and the praise, Lisa smiled softly, "Yes, well, the pen is mightier than the sword in a metaphorical sense for a reason."

Pop-pop nearly burst his gut laughing, "Ahaha, so you ought to pay ME for my moving, Harrington!"

Derby sneered, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch, old man!" Then he recomposed himself, "Or do you think you can keep living in this neighborhood? I heard from my good friend Johnny Vincent that the streets here are great for racing."

Lana brought her fists up, wanting to punch the snob, "Weren't you just insulting that friend of yours moments ago?" she asked angrily.

Derby brushed it off like any corrupt politician did, "Oh, just mindless banter between associates, nothing else."

"You're scum, you know that?" Naruto cracked his knuckles. "Call off that 50s musical reject or I'm making you two eat his bike."

"Why, such violence when we're just having a conversation." Derby mocked him further.

That was when Harvey had an idea, "Say, Loud, you think your adopted grandson has a chance or is his big mouth only good for blowing out hot air?"

"I don't know, you're the expert on the latter." Pop-pop had to get a shot in.

"Oh, nice comeback," Luan said, quickly writing that one down in her notepad of future jokes.

Harvey forced himself to remain composed, "Let's make a deal, Loud... If that grandson of yours can fight as well as I hear he does, my son shall call off his associates to leave you alone. I will even pay the expenses for your relocation."

"Hey, you're obligated to do so by the law, mister!" Lincoln argued.

"Oh, dear me, but I am not obligated to tell teens where to not have fun, am I?" Harvey retorted with a wide smile.

Naruto punched his palm, having had enough, "Alright, I'm in, if only to bust some heads and blow some steam. And as a bonus, you won't bother Pop-pop in his new place or I'm coming for you, old man." Having his family threatened crossed too many lines, and he was ready to unleash his anger on whoever and whatever the Harrington patriarch and heir threw at him.

Derby smirked as he looked down at Naruto, "Let's do it, father, it'll serve as revenge and a perfect way to test my new skills."

Harvey smirked and turned to the adopted Loud, "Fine then, boy. If you can get to us by being as good a fighter as you say you are, do so in a proper bout. No savage rules or makeshift martial arts, just the good old-fashioned sport of fisticuffs against my son." Derby smirked as his father placed his hands on his shoulders.

Pop-pop looked worried, "Something's not right here, boy."

"I can do it, I just got to punch above the waist and not kick his teeth in when he's down, right?" Naruto replied and cracked his knuckles, "Besides, whether it's street boxing, professional boxing, bare knuckles or a stupid makeshift style, I can take everyone and anyone." He smirked at the end, his siblings cheering at his confidence.

"I've hired professionals to get back at you, Loud, don't count your chickens before they hatch." Derby smirked and threw a fast jab.

X-X-X-X-X

Royal Woods had a boxing club. It was a large two-floor gym with brick walls, thick windows, a large professional ring in the middle, and a bar for the rich and wealthy members. All of the Loud family members had the stares of rich and supposed nobility on them. Not that they cared, but they could see the contempt on their faces. However, they were there to cheer Naruto on and they planned to do so.

Luna had an important question to make, "So, no one told mom and dad about this, right?"

Lynn rolled her eyes, "Pfft, you think they'd be cool knowing this? I do karate and contact sports, and even when I got it in the bag they fret."

Leni frowned, "We're still betting on Pop-pop moving, which is just rude of that old man and Derry to ask of him."

Luan opened her mouth, then pondered her words with a finger to her chin, "I could make a joke about that, but explaining it would ruin the comedy." She then frowned and balled her hands into fists, "I just hope Naruto really shows that guy what for."

"Wow, when did you start getting serious?" Lana asked with shock.

Sighing, the comedian looked down, "You know Naruto's got out backs at high school, right? Cliques there put targets on certain backs. Mine included... I tried to promote my party gig with the rich kids, see if I had a chance to earn the big bucks for the golden egg." She tried to smile but couldn't even force herself to laugh as she continued, "In the end the yolk was on me... as well as the eggshells."

"Oh, Luan, why didn't you tell any-" Lincoln started and then connected the dots when turning to Naruto, "Ah, right..."

"I was going with a mime act, but after my black and white show let's say the audience turned black and purple." Luan commented, feeling herself at ease thanks to talking about the issue with her family and good memories of her older brother. "He even told me he was late because he took a wrong turn at Albuquerque. Hehehehe!"

"Ladies, gentlemen, peasants invited!" Harvey had to be the announcer, it seemed, as he walked with a microphone in hand, "I give you a simple match to determine a deal made between men in the old ways of a true traditionalist. Today, my son shall take on those who wrongfully think they can do as they please while leeching off our hard-earned cash and-"

Pop-pop frowned as he yelled at the man, using his hands to direct his voice, "Get on with it, Harrington, while I'm still living and kicking!"

"And who rudely interrupt conversations." Harvey scowled but finally continued, "On the blue corner, the contender, a pest and thorn in the side of the noble children at Royal Woods high school. Naruto Loud." A few members of the audience clapped slowly, as if to be polite while Naruto walked in.

Wearing black boxers and a dark orange muscle shirt, he looked ready for action with red boxing gloves on, "Alright, let's see what Moe Ron's got."

"And in the red corner, the pride and joy of-"

"Get on with it!" the Loud family snapped.

"Ahem... I give you Derby Harrington!" said boy walked in with a pair of blue boxers, a white t-shirt, and blue gloves.

Both fighters walked to the center and bumped gloves, glaring at each other with Derby being smug, "Hope you're ready to see the best money can do."

"You can't pay your way to victory if you have to pick your teeth off the floor." Naruto retorted, barely restraining his anger.

"Opponents, to your corners!" Harvey said, smirking as he walked away. Naruto did as told and walked to his spot, "And now, on the count of three... One, two, and-"

"Naruto!" his family shouted.

Naruto turned too late to see Derby already running at him to sucker-punch him! "And he's down! One, two, three-"

"Harrington, that's dirty and you know it, you son of a...!" Pop-pop had a STRONG swear to let out, but had to keep it PG, "Son of a biscuit!"

Harvey didn't care, "Six, seven, e-"

"I'm up!" Naruto snarled as he leapt up with an uppercut which rocked Derby's head backwards!

"Gah!" the prep grunted as he stumbled back, groaning as stars swirled around his eyes.

"Now, that's against the rules!" Harvey said, stopping Naruto.

Like Pop-pop, it was only because of his younger siblings that Naruto kept his language PG, "Oh that's a load of sour dough and you know it!"

"Ah, ah, ah, I counted to three but you didn't listen because of your family screaming." Harvey said with the arrogance of a corrupt politician, "You hit a fellow sportsman before I gave you the right to continue. As such I have to give you a penalty and say that next time you fall in this round it's over for you."

"He can't do that!" Lori yelled furiously.

Pop-pop had to disagree reluctantly, "He can, he's got this place and these people bought. Just look."

"Yeah, go! We want blood!" the audience cheered together.

"Hey, Loud!" Derby called out to Naruto before a hook to the face.

"And now, you may continue!" Harvey mocked the whiskered blond further as his son punched him more, "Oh, and it seems the contender stumbled back from the shock, letting my son get some fine hits!"

Luna bit her bottom lip as Naruto staggered back until his body hit the ropes, barely hanging on them, "Argh, they had this rigged so easily and quickly! It's sick and not in the rocking way!"

"Come on, Naruto, don't you dare lose!" Luan cried... Naruto saw it, she was tearing up.

"Go down already, you low-" Derby's payback and line were cut off by a brutal punch to the mouth which rattled his teeth loose! "Gh-BWAH!" and sent him flying back until his back hit the canvas.

"What the..." Harvey started when Naruto got up fully, eyes glinting with animalistic hatred.

Pop-pop gulped, "Oh no... they've done it, they really did it this time."

"What just happened, Pop-pop?" Lincoln asked in fear as steam seemed to come out of Naruto's mouth as his body hunched over.

"When I trained your brother to fight, I could tell he had a lot of anger in him. He enjoys a good tussle, yes, but there's a feral side to him, a demon... or rather a beast which sleeps deep within him, sealed up by his love for you. In the time I took to see how that pushed him to fight I learned why he wasn't like any other child..."

Pop-pop's explanation may have been heard by Harvey, who was shivering as he backed away from Naruto while Derby struggled to get up on shaky legs, "What hit... me...?"

Members of the audience backed away, gaping and gasping at the sight of Naruto, "Is he even human?" Harvey asked as he stumbled on the ropes.

Finally, the mustached grandfather finished his explanation, "Anger is as much a part of Naruto as it is his love for you. When you combine both you have a true berserker. Not like those mindless brutes, but a guy who uses and focuses their rage to protect that which they love."

"Quick feet, quick feet!" Derby yelped and dashed away from Naruto's next punch, smiling in relief, "Ha! Lucky shot, but not again, my dexterity, speed and footwork are far too superior for a Neanderthal such as you, Loud!" Derby stated to circle around Naruto at high speeds, smirking as he threw lightning fast punches, "You think your strength will win you this match!? Wrong, it is my newfound speed which will-"

"You talk too much!" Naruto snapped as he swung wide and with all his weight behind his knuckles. The resulting sound was akin to the sound of a shotgun going off when Derby's ribs cracked! Naruto had punched him so hard he lifted him off the air, broke two of his ribs, and made him spit out his mouthpiece and pieces of his lunch!

Once Derby hit the canvas, Naruto stood up and brought up his fists, narrowing his eyes on the cowering Harvey, "I... I would like to call for the best two out of three..." Naruto didn't say anything, he just walked to a corner... and punched it with such brute force he bent it! He bent solid steel! "I mean, I'll gladly pay for your grandfather's relocation and not bother him again!"

"Tell your son to get better trainers if he wants another round, and to fight me without a referee like you." Naruto said after spitting out his mouthpiece, "I'm keeping the gloves."

"...yeah..." Harvey fell down on his ass, eyes wide and brow coated with cold sweat, "I also... need new pants."

As if nothing had happened, Naruto smiled to his family, who stared in awe at the sudden change, "Hey Lynn, I got you a new pair of gloves."

"Sweet! New lucky charm!" and just like that, all tension was broken.

Lincoln turned to the camera with a smile, "Feels like I've seen what he's capable of when pushed to the limit... It's surprisingly more heartwarming than I thought."

X-X-X-X-X

The next day, Naruto just wanted to relax and buy himself an ice cold lemonade.

"Alright, new market... Mercado? Bodega?" he asked out loud at the Spanish words. "At the very least it's not that balding mustached stingy jerk running it."

Knowing the previous owner, he had no kind words regarding him. At the very least, no one would be trying to rip him off, sell him expired food, or using loopholes to drain his wallet dry. Or so he hoped. Stepping in, he saw a portly Mexican man with a green sweater behind the counter managing the goods. Beside him was a boy Naruto saw in his classes. He was lanky and of Hispanic ancestry with a few hairs on his chin, brown hair stylishly combed, jeans, a black t-shirt, and an unbuttoned green plaid short with the sleeves rolled up.

"So, Abuelo, are you already used to the small city?" the teen asked the old man.

With a soft smile and tamarindo in one hand, the man replied, "Give me a few days, mijo. Although, the silence and tranquility is not bad, if a bit farther of my favorite spots." He chortled as he looked at the store he had bought, cleaned, improved and resupplied, "Besides, I love when people try your Abuela's conchas for the first time."

"Conchas?" Naruto asked curiously.

"Oh, a customer!" the grandfather beamed, "And yes, conchas are these!" he presented Naruto sweat breads in the shape of half-spheres with solid sugar bits on top resembling shells, "They come in sweet vanilla and chocolate. Try one."

"Huh, I actually like stuff like this." Naruto said with an amused smile as he took one, "Although the last one I tried was Japanese..."

"Eh, it's not the first time we Mexicans have taken inspiration from the cuisine of other countries, just try tacos al pastor!" the old man chortled.

"Say, you look familiar..." the other teen said. "I think we go to the same high school but... I think you're in different classes than me."

"Perhaps it's for the best, I tend to get in trouble." Naruto admitted, "Let's say the cliques there don't like me very much."

"I get you, those guys are jerks. Could you believe one hit my cousin?" Naruto felt himself get steamed, but then the teen smiled, "Although, she found quite the knight in shining armor. One who put the one who hit her in his place. I'd be in your debt if you could tell me who it was to thank him."

Naruto had started to sweat, then chuckled sheepishly, "Um... Would you believe me if I said this is an odd coincidence? I think... Is your cousin's name Carlota?"

"Did someone call me?" asked the same ponytailed girl, drawing everyone's attention. "Oh, there you are, Naruto! Here to see little old me?"

"I'm seriously questioning if the Loud luck is contagious..." Naruto answered to her and commented to himself. Upon getting an inquiring look, he chuckled, "So... I think I met your family."

"You're the guy who Carlota has a massive c-" and the grandfather said no more once Carlota grabbed Naruto.

"Hey, let's go to the mall, I saw something there!" she hurriedly told him as she dragged him along.

Both men blinked while Naruto wanted to say he had gone to get a drink...

Carlota's smile prevented him from saying no to her.

**X-X-X-X-X**

And that's my rap!

Believe me when I say making this chapter was tough. First, I was inspired to do a LOT of crazy stuff which all may work on a finale or for some silly arc for much later. Just to give you a heads up of what ideas I had in mind: a tournament where celebrities kill each other was to make a small cameo, then there was a fantasy AU idea, and a chapter focusing on Lori. Among other ideas which were scratched, I couldn't decide for one that'd fit with my odd pacing until this just hit me and I had to go nuts.

Swordslinger out!


	6. Chapter 6

I OWN NOTHING

It seems you guys are having fun with this, so I'll keep trying my hardest. It took me like 5 tries to figure out what to do for this chapter.

**X-X-X-X-X**

Lincoln and Clyde were walking out of school with the albino hanging up his phone.

"That was weird, why did he call in such a hurry?" he asked to himself, getting his spectacled friend curious like a cat.

"What did Naruto ask for this time?" Clyde thought on a possible answer, "Did he ask for us to cover him again? Is Lori in danger and-"

"No, nothing like that, don't worry." Lincoln exclaimed, hoping his best friend didn't worry himself sick, "He says he wants to do a few things now that he's allowed to go wild."

"Maybe he's chasing down the bullies at their base like a cool beat-'em-up hero!" the other boy cheered with an enthusiastic fist-pump, "Naruto Loud confirmed as best security man ever once again! Man, I was scared those bullies would come back to my house. My parents still can't get some of the egg smell off the porch."

"It's nothing that serious, though he told me he got those guys." Lincoln said, quickly adding the last part when Clyde looked nervous.

After a sigh of relief, the other boy gained a puzzled look, "Well, that's a... wait, then what did he ask for now?"

"To cover for him in order to see a new girl." Lincoln explained.

"Wait, he's got a girlfriend?" Clyde asked in shock, "No offense, but he doesn't strike me as a romantic. More of an action movie star sort of guy than a tenderly brushing a girl's hair kind."

"Even heroes like Ace Savvy need a somebody to love besides Lady Justice." Lincoln retorted with a finger-gun gesture.

Clyde beamed and covered an eye of his with a hand, "One-Eyed Jack would like to be on this case and aid a fellow hero." then he let out a soft chuckle, "Nah, I'm guessing he'd get mad at us if we butted in. After all, One-Eyed Jack knows when to let a man do what a man has to do."

"It's better to help him keep my sisters out of it." The albino retorted, "Can you imagine the chaos if they all tried to give him advice on a date?"

"I know I'd listen to Lori's every word." Clyde smiled, lovestruck and in his own little world.

"Poor Clyde doesn't know what he's talking about." Lincoln explained to the audience with a deadpan look, "Once, Naruto tried to get close to a girl. Most of our sisters tried to offer advice. Luan, Luna, Leni and Lori offered the exact opposite. If we learned anything from that was to never, ever let those four dress us. Imagine a suit, a hipster outfit, a rocker's duds and a clown costume thrown into a blender."

"So, got any backup plan for the usual last-minute changes?" Clyde asked while they approached Lincoln's house.

"If anything, no amount of that is ever enough here." The albino told him and opened the door.

"Hey you two." Naruto told them as he exited the house, "Are you going to watch AARGH! at Clyde's, Lincoln?" he put his hand on the boy's shoulder and squeezed, hard.

"Ow, what's with the grip?" the boy asked, and Naruto repeated himself.

"I said, you're going to go with Clyde, right?" he winked.

Realization hit the youngest male Loud, "Oh, yeah! Of course, you're free to come!" the spectacled boy arched a brow as the two dragged him away, "Long story, I already explained parts of it to you." Lincoln told the confused Clyde. All three went to Naruto's moped, the boys putting on helmets as the blond revved the engine.

"Yeah, so, Naruto wants to see... um, AARGH!" Clyde guessed that was a proper codename.

"Escape is more like it." The blond growled and revved the engine again, "It's a matter of time before they-"

Chaos arrived before he finished his sentence, "Naruto's got a date!" Lola's voice echoed from her bedroom as she and the other members of the family raced down.

"Dang it!" the Loud brothers cursed as Naruto's moped zipped forward when all the Loud girls exited the house, their parents following.

"Wait, son, let your dad give you some proper advice!" Lynn Sr. jovially called out to him.

"Naruto, that attire's not appropriate for seeing a girl!" Rita exclaimed and waved her hand. The sisters were fighting to see who could call out to him. Lola wanted to dress him properly, Lana wanted to see if she could have any leftovers, Lisa was holding a vial of unidentified stuff, and Lucy... wasn't there. However, Lori, Leni, Luna and Luan looked at him with worry, Luan holding Lily in her arms.

But Naruto had to at least keep them off his back, "It's not a date, I just got invited for lunch by a girl!" he yelled as he turned on a corner.

"Wait, are you talking about that one girl who you protected from a bully?" Clyde asked, then pumped his fist, "Awesome, you're like a karate master from movies!"

"I knew I could never keep a secret from the girls." Naruto groaned, "Listen, Carlota's invited me to have lunch with her after what happened, yes. However, mom and dad will see it as a date just like Lola did. And I'm not going to make this awkward." he kept driving calmly to Clyde's house, "Anyway, you two stay here, I will be back for you to watch AARGH!"

"Understood." Lincoln saluted, then went wide-eyed, "Wait, you're using me as bait!"

"Yup, keep them busy once they come looking for me here." Naruto told him.

"What'd be worth getting mauled by the girls!?" Lincoln retorted with a terrified and angry expression.

"You get to be safe at home and watch AARGH!" the blond replied, "Also, I'll take you to the comic book store for free."

"Deal!" Lincoln shook his brother's hand, then looked at the camera with fiery determination, "Hey, I'm escaping slavery with Lori as the queen goddess of the van if I do this. It's worth it."

"Good luck, and..." Clyde started as he went to his house and then came back quickly with a bottle of breath spray, "...I always keep one for when I see Lori, so feel free to use it. Oh, and don't worry, it's brand-new so you're the first to use it for your date."

Naruto growled, "It's not a-" and Lucy appeared from the sidecar! "DATE!" he yelped as did the other two boys who jumped back, "When did you get here!?"

The tiny goth's neck creaked as she looked at him, "I was thinking of proper coffins made on my size and thought this one had the right measures. Also, the seat's comfy. I may have to find equal faux-leather for a new project." The boys looked at her in question, "Anyway, I'm also here to aid you... for a favor."

"The more the merrier." Naruto sighed with a shrug, "What can I get you?"

"A trip to the cemetery." Lucy replied quickly.

The blond deadpanned, "I am not letting you dig up graves."

"The pet cemetery?" she asked in her usual monotone but looking up hopefully in her own stoic way.

And his answer was as dull as before, "I'm not going to that one near the Indian burial grounds, not after last Halloween."

Lowering her head, she conceded for something far easier and less scary, "Sigh, fine, I'll take you being my companion for any events that requires a guardian. So long as I can get monetary help with merchandise I am using for... research." Lucy was usually reserved, so he didn't think much on that, "Especially those stores dad is too afraid to come with me to."

"Deal." Naruto shook her hand, "Now, you three, Lincoln, Lucy, Clyde, I am trusting you to not let the others know where I went."

"Already on it." Lucy said, pulling out a small device with a blinking light, "Lisa put this tracking device in as I used your sidecar to brainstorm on new coffin interiors."

"Lincoln, can you and Clyde get rid of it?" the blond asked and his brother beamed.

"You know it!" the boys cheered. Then, Lincoln remembered a problem, "Wait, give us your phone, too."

"Huh? Why would I...?" Naruto's confusion was cleared upon seeing the device in Lucy's hands. Realization hit him like a sack of bricks bathed in nitroglycerin, "Of course she would." Pulling out his phone, he handed it to Lincoln, who quickly opened it to retrieve a second and much smaller tracking device.

"Be sure to return home soon, we can be safe while you enjoy yourself." Lincoln told him with a small grin.

"Thanks, but you are the one who ought to take care with the girls. See ya." Naruto revved up his moped and drove off, waving at his siblings as he went to meet up with Carlota.

X-X-X-X-X

Carlota waited at the mall with some subtly applied makeup and a new getup to get Naruto's attention. Tight black cloth from a stylish top hugged her bosom and pushed up her glorious mammary glands while a short black skirt did a fine job of hugging and emphasizing her plump rear. Long, thick and meaty legs were on full display with wonderful short boots. Makeup had been carefully applied to make her fleshy lips look a lot more kissable. And, to finish it off, she had a black cap with a short brim.

Just about every male teen and some girls had either stumbled on a wall or someone else because of her, all but one, "Hey Naruto, how's it going?"

"Sorry it took so long." Royal Woods' resident street brawl king replied with a tired sigh, "Shaking off far too many siblings plus my parents... Easier said than done."

"I know the feeling." Carlota sighed, "I had to tell my mom, dad, aunt, and grandma I was modeling for a friend's photoshoot."

"Really?" he asked questioningly. "Well, you do look the part of a supermodel, if only not bland-looking like most magazine girls."

"Why, thank you." Carlota smiled warmly, and then smirked devilishly, winking and poking out her tongue, "But I was kidding. I had my family give me lots of advice on how to go a proper date and none of them can wait to see you. Especially my little brothers CJ and Carlos and my little cousin Ronnie-Anne. Hearing how tough you are made you a superhero for them."

"I wish they knew the pain in the neck fighting becomes, literally and figuratively..." he sighed tiredly at the memories.

"Yeah, that guy from before wasn't really nice, to say the least." Carlota frowned at the memory of the strike to the face she got.

"Forget him, let's just... have some lunch." Naruto told her, blushing slightly when his stomach growled.

"Ahahaha, I see you were in a hurry." Carlota giggled and led the way. "Let's go find some good stand and you can tell me about it."

"Well, I didn't have the best of plans, I leave stuff like that to my little brother." Naruto commented with his arms crossed, then looked at her better, "Gotta say, though, you sure know how to use yours if you can just go out looking like that without breaking a sweat."

"A girl's timing is something she has to work hard to master when it comes to looking good..." Smiling brightly, she playfully pushed up her ponytail to emphasize her efforts, "Also, I prepared since I didn't want to do the cliché of being fashionably late to a guy who's been nice to me since day one." Carlota winked at him, getting a blush from the boy.

Shaking his head, he tried to control his mind, "Believe me, I'm trying hard to be nice. Of course, I owe most if not all my good traits to my family."

"How so?" she asked curiously while he counted with his fingers.

"Let's see, Lincoln, my little and only brother, taught me patience and how to be friendlier than I'd usually be. Lori and Leni are good giving me tips on how to treat others in their own weird ways. Luan and Luna are good at entertaining people, so I can somewhat get a conversation going. And the rest are a bundle of weird quirks I get used to and learn from... Also, good, loving if wise parents and a kickass grandpa."

Giggling again, she recalled her family and their teachings, "Well, for one, I have a very art-loving mother who I get my love for style from. My dad's a loveable bookworm who's helped me expand myself, even if I use that knowledge for fashion. Each of my little brothers have taught me how to take care of and be careful of kids... And then there's... well, not the girliest girl in Ronnie-Anne."

"Let me guess, you got a tomboy." Naruto smiled, "We've got a couple of those at the Loud House." Lynn, Luna and Lana sneezed far off in the distance.

"How do you deal... wait, not you..." Carlota sighed, sheepishly trying to convey words into a question, "Sorry, let me rephrase that. How do your more feminine sisters just... coexist with such energetic girls? And how do they get you to spend time with them in any activity a boy may find too... well, girly?"

"Try really hard to find a common point of interest." Naruto replied, "Maybe you keep to yourself because you have had too many boys as siblings and not many girls around you, but everyone shares a like. Just like I find many people dislike me or things I like, but the opposite cheerful way." Frowning at the last part, he groaned, "Sheesh, I really have the grandest time finding guys who hate my guts."

Carlota failed to hold back a snicker, "Well, I hope I'm the reverse of that with Ronnie-Anne. That girl could be more in touch with her inner girl."

"So... wanna talk about anything that piques your interest?" he asked calmly. "Or do you want to watch a movie after eating?"

Carlota giggled, "Having many sisters really helps you know how to treat a girl."

Naruto chortled sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his head, "No, trust me, it doesn't. There's 10 of them and I'm still wrapping my head around most of the stuff they're into."

"It's certainly made this more interesting." she countered. "Just know you're like the first guy to ask me what I'm into so boldly, and it's charming in a weird way. Give yourself credit, being yourself is what got me to want to spend time with you."

Blushing, the blond chuckled again, "Wow, you really know how to butter up a guy."

"That's your reward for trying to help me and being so honest with yourself." Carlota told him, then smiled. "Also, my interests so far mesh with your second oldest sister Leni's dreams for the future. We really hit it off and we've talked of making our own fashion designs. Although she's got the part of finding the perfect attire for someone down."

"You tell me, she got me these duds." Naruto said with a smile.

"Yeah, although I'm also looking forward to a makeup brand to go with the whole clothing business and... wow, am I getting ahead of myself." she giggled. "Glad to see you're listening despite the boring topic. Not sure when I talk too much about this stuff around my brothers or Ronnie-Anne."

"I'm used to this line of conversation, just don't expect me to be able to hold my attention if we go into another long shopping spree." he admitted at the memories of the last one with Carlota, Leni and Lori. That was the one time he wondered if one could die of boredom, "Um, no offense."

"None taken, I know it's a girl thing, but I'm glad you're this honest." Carlota admitted. Looking down, she sighed, "Most guys see a girl with meat in her bones, a love of fashion and... well, at times they aren't that far off with what I'm like. You... you're just sincere, upfront and yet... nice about everything in your own blunt way."

"And you seem like a caring girl even if you're really into your appearance, also sassy." he smirked at the end, flashing her quite the charming grin too.

"Oh, shush now before you get a big head!" Carlota giggled but didn't dislike his response at all. "Anyway, a movie does sound good. All this buttering up made me crave popcorn."

"If only Luan could hear you, she'd love you." Naruto whispered to himself with an amused grin.

X-X-X-X-X

In reality, Luan was ecstatic, "Do you feel like talking now?"

Her question was directed at Lincoln, who was hanging upside down inside a glass container in a shed. Beside him was Clyde in a straitjacket as he tried and failed to break free. Lucy for her part wasn't doing as bad or as well, depending on the situation. The goth girl was in a coffin with a lid opened to her face and several swords jabbed into it – the swords were all rubber, Luan wasn't one to harm her siblings.

"So, the props from your last gig as an escapist still hold up, huh?" Lincoln asked while he dangled.

"Yeah, you wouldn't believe the guarantee these bad boys have." Luan said as she flicked one of the rubber swords on Lucy's coffin, making it wobble. Then, she held a rubber chicken in her hands, "I will ask again, where has our dearest brother gone to? And if I don't get a straight answer, you won't feel very clucky, punk."

The way she said that with a cheerful grin had Clyde crying, "We don't know! I swear! He was at least smart enough not to tell me because I'm about to pee my pants!"

Lucy turned her hair-covered gaze at the comedian, "And you're not really doing me any disservice here... although you could've used spikes instead of toy swords."

Lincoln turned to the audience, "Got to give Naruto props for not telling us where he was headed to."

"Oh, but I know a good tracker." Luan smiled happily at Lucy. "Say, did I ever tell you of all possible pranks I have just for you, Lucy? I'm not talking about physical ones like last year's paint bomb and clown outfit or anything like that. Oh no, I'm talking getting into your head stuff. So, choose, either help us find Naruto with your spiritual stuff, or..."

"Or what? How do you even break someone like Lucy?" Lincoln asked worriedly. Suddenly, Leni walked from behind Luan.

"Oh no..." the resident spiritual expert winced at the sight of a pink dress and eyeliner.

Bubbly and cheerful, as well as oblivious as usual, Leni just cheered, "MAKEOVER TIME!"

"NOOOOOOOO!"

Lucy's cries of terror and torture were heard by the two boys as the other sisters watched and waited for answers. Both Lincoln and Clyde winced as Lucy was completely transformed by her sister. Lola joined in, a large smile on her face as she helped with the makeup. All the while, Lori, Luna, Lynn, Lana, Lisa and their parents waited for results. Lily was bounced up and down Lynn Sr.'s arms.

"Do you think we're crossing a line here?" the father asked.

Lori stepped forward with a smile, "It is Naruto's fault for not telling us of his date, and good siblings don't keep secrets like that from their relatives."

"Besides, I got to know if this girl is good enough for our boy." Rita added, then looked away sheepishly, "And if he gets mad, we make him as much ramen as he can handle."

"I'll get the flour for the noodles on our way home." Lynn Sr. commented.

Meanwhile, at the theater watching a romance-comedy flick, Naruto arched a brow, "I know I'm about to get mad at someone..."

"You tell me, this movie's awful." Carlota said, "Seriously, I get she likes the guy, but ruining his wedding to another girl?"

"And acting like she deserves it for being a ditz..." Naruto agreed, "Ugh, do most girls really like this kind of stuff?"

Carlota bit back a groan as she confessed, "Sadly, I was into movies like this until I grew up and learned what it's like to be on someone else's shoe thanks to my abuela."

"That's grandma in Spanish, right?" he asked, knitting his eyebrows as he tried to recall some lessons from middle school he wasn't that much into.

"Got it in one go, if you want lessons, I can help there." Carlota beamed.

"Sounds fun, still, did we just buy tickets to mock a movie?" Naruto asked as he took a sip from his drink.

"And to get popcorn but making fun of a bad movie sounds fun." Carlota said.

As they saw the unlikeable protagonist drive a truck to crash into the wedding cake, the two got to boo her actions and make bad jokes about it. Other movie goers were too into the movie to care or notice and at least the two kept their voice down enough to not bother them. At the end of the movie, though, the two felt spent. Watching unlikeable people get away with their selfish plans and ruining someone else's day... It was practically what Naruto saw every day before high-kicking someone's teeth in.

"Ugh, glad that's over!" Naruto groaned once out.

Carlota agreed as she rubbed her temples, "You tell me, another second of that lady ruining the poor blondie's special day and I'd dry heave."

"At least we got comfy seats, too." Naruto offered. "Sorry that was such a crappy time."

"Hey, I was laughing more at you mocking how dumb the main guy was for not sticking to the girl trying hard to keep everything under control and went for the crazy one who ruined his wedding to begin with. At least that made it bearable, like a lesson on how not to make characters stupid or annoying."

"Can you blame me for complaining about that?" Naruto asked with a sigh, "It'd be like me having a chance to be with a psycho and a nice girl like you and choosing the one who's more likely to kill my family just so they don't come between her and me... Wow, note to self, never let Lucy hear that for her stories."

"I'm guessing she's going through a phase, then." Carlota asked more than stated.

"Actually, I kind of hope it's not a phase..." Naruto said, then chortled. "She's certainly having fun in her own way. Just so long as she doesn't get in trouble, I'm fine with it."

"Sounds like life is never dull for any of us!" she cheered, then held his arm. "Let's grab some grub. I'm paying."

"Oh yeah... I actually forgot you were inviting me." Naruto admitted sheepishly.

As the two went to one of the food establishments at the mall, a large figure saw them. Flanked by other obvious bullies, the one looking at Naruto the most intently was massive. He stood over 6-foot-tall and was built like an ox. He had a bit of a gut, but his arms, legs and even neck were pure muscle. He had short brown hair parted around the middle, a square jaw, a red shirt with the sleeves rolled up and a bull on the back, jeans, white sneakers, and a chain hanging from his hip. Also, he was dumb as a sack of rocks.

"Hm, that shrimp... Russell knows him!" the giant said as he made some associations in his memory.

A couple years ago, Russell was the biggest, meanest, toughest kid in the block, until he pushed aside a girl with a purple top and a guitar in hand at the cafeteria, "What gives, dude!?" she asked, appalled by how rude the boy was. Russell proceeded to do the same to another boy, not caring who he shoved out of his way.

"Hey, no cutting in line!" said a tiny boy as he stepped up to the larger kid.

Russell turned around, wearing a white shirt that time, "Russell hungry, so let Russell eat, puny shrimp."

"That's my sister you just shoved, big guy, you owe her an apology as well as the others." Naruto – nicknamed Shrimp by Russell – said with an orange hoodie and black cargo pants back then.

"What makes you think Russell need to apologize?" the bigger boy boasted, crossing his arms with a defiant smirk.

"I can make you." Naruto retorted with fire in his eyes.

"Hah, Russell would like to see shrimp try!" he said and then effortlessly lifted the kid by his hoodie.

Russell was about to toss the boy, but that was as far as Naruto would let him go. Before getting flung like a ball, the blond managed to hook his legs around the bigger boy's arms and bring him down in an arm-lock. After that, a brutal fight ensued with many tables broken, Russell's nose bloodied and his right eye bruised, and Naruto's innards turned into mush. It was with a jumping kick that Russell went down like a brick wall against a wrecking ball. Naruto had become the then undisputed brawling champion and remained unbeaten. Russell would try to regain his title to no avail.

Back to the present, "So, what are you in the mood for?" Carlota asked her date.

Naruto's answer was voiced by someone other than him, "SHRIMP!"

"How hungry are you?" she asked in shock.

"That' wasn't me, even if I'd like some sushi." Carlota's unofficial date answered and turned, "Oh dang it!"

Everything happened too fast for Carlota to register until it had stopped for a brief moment. Naruto used both hands to block either a tackle or the most direct headbutt ever. His palms were on Russell's head, said boy was hunched over as he tried to move forward like a bull. Both boys strained their limbs as the blond kid's arms and legs battled against the weight and leg power of the brunet. With an abrupt idea and a stroke of genius, Naruto jumped.

"Huh!?" Russell exclaimed when his center of gravity was shifted due to his attempt to continue his charge.

Naruto used the momentum to his advantage and with his jump slammed Russell's face on the floor, "Stay down, you oversized-" and was cut off by Russell gripping his throat.

"Russell mad!" the larger boy said as he lifted a dangling Naruto by the throat, "Russell pummel weak shrimp!"

"In your dreams!" Naruto choked out as he reverted the situation by placing a foot on the other boy's chest and using it to swing his shin against the side of the massive bully's head. The result had him dropped and Russell staggering to the side, "Grr, can't you see I'm in the middle of something?" he asked with a growl as he got up, rubbing his sore neck.

"Russell hear how shrimp mock Russell!" the third-person speaking teenager roared and punched his chest like a gorilla, "Say Russell dumb as brick! Lie! People say Russell smart as Einstein!"

"Thanks for confirming that." Naruto said and got into his loose street boxing stance while Russell took more of a grappler approach, "Crud, did the coach really have to make you join the wrestling team? Give the other kids a chance, they're not me... They can't make you eat dirt easily."

"Russell now really, really, doubly super mad!" the other teen said, ready to charge, and was promptly interrupted.

"Hey there, Russell, right?" Carlota asked, cutting all tension with a beaming smile.

"Um, yes, pretty lady." Russell said, speaking with the same serious if dull tone.

"Listen, you seem like a decent guy, but perhaps you could try to talk things out." Carlota said, then smiled, "Naruto's told me about you."

"I did?" the blond asked dumbfounded.

"Shrimp do?" Russell asked with a confused expression.

Carlota continued with a nod and a smile, "Sure did. He considers you a good guy, if a little hard to approach."

She needed to be more direct, though, "Russell not follow."

At least Carlota was patient, "Well, don't you have fun fighting him?"

The brunet chortled, "Yeah, Russell always enjoy good tussle against shrimp."

Carlota nodded sagely, "Well, I assure you he does so, too."

"Really?" the massive boy asked in surprise.

Naruto stared utterly awed the exchange, "Sheesh, she's good..."

Carlota's smile could convince any man of walking through Hell barefoot, "Naruto thinks you're a good guy and that you could do much better than picking fights with him or others, kind of like a superhero. Now, I know he may not look like it, but at times he's more disappointed than mad when you two duke it out."

"Russell be hero?" the big boy asked, "Russell could hurt people for peace?"

"Yeah, but only if they try to hurt others for no reason." Carlota told him with a beaming smile.

Russell nodded, taking a new look in life, "Shrimp!" he said to the blond, "Russell sorry! Russell no be mean again!"

"Sure!" Naruto replied, utterly shocked, "Sounds... good, great even!"

"Coach say Russell can do good if Russell fight for more than bullying, that why Russell in wrestling club." Naruto's former rival and biggest challenger said with a nod, "Russell come back and destroy, but as friend." And with a large smile, completely forgetting what he came up to do, the boy left... with a bloodied nose from his face meeting the floor.

Everyone stared at Carlota in surprise and even fear, and she just grinned at Naruto before striking a pose, "So, what do you think of my super-power as an older sister to three boys?"

"I'm surprised you even asked me for help to begin with." Naruto said, still baffled by what he just saw, "How did you... make him change like that?"

"My kid brothers are nice deep down in their own way, and Russell is pretty much a very big kid... A really big kid. However, if someone had him joining the wrestling club of all things, I figured there must have been more to him than met the eye. Most boys want to do good and impress people in a way they consider positive, and I know how to use that to my advantage."

"I'm... both glad and afraid I am going out with you." Naruto admitted with a sheepish chortle.

Carlota giggled, "Does shrimp sound good to make the fear go away?"

"Sure!" fighting made him hungry.

Meanwhile...

"It seems... you are late, family," Lucy in a pink princess dress with makeup all over her face and a silvery crown, said as she looked into her crystal ball. "The seeds of a healthy relationship have been planted. Now... be kind enough..." she paused, then bared her teeth, "...TO LET ME REGAIN SOME DECENCY BY CHANGING OUT OF THESE HORRIBLE CLOTHES!"

Lynn Sr. snapped his fingers, "Dang it, and here I was going to teach Naruto the good dance moves!"

"Trust me, dad, it wouldn't have helped." Lincoln said, still trapped in his transparent cage but no longer hanging upside down. He was still tied up, though.

"So, to keep this a secret between us, how's a trip to Dairyland sound?" Rita said with a falsely sweet smile. "We can bring Naruto's date after you remember not to lie to your mother and father."

"You..." Lincoln started, then looked at the camera, "Dang it, I know they have something planned, but what can I do? They're my parents, they may respect our privacy but they'd still barge into our rooms just for a chance to reaffirm their authority."

**X-X-X-X-X**

And that's my rap!

If any of you have any overprotective relatives, then you know your parents and siblings can gang up against you to know if your date's good enough or not. Since Lori isn't with Bobby in this story, this is a first for the Loud family. Meaning, yes, they will do everything in their power to find out if Carlota's good enough for him.

Next chapters will focus more on the sisters in the harem at long last, just so you know I haven't forgotten them.

Swordslinger out!


End file.
